How much do I love to hate Tyra Banks? Last night's episode of America's Next Top Model provided plenty of opportunities to do so, particularly thanks to Tyra coining the word "smise". It's intended to be an abbreviation of her popular "smile with your eyes" phrase, and it made me want to smile with my ass as I took a big dump on her doorstep.
On a regular basis, I only "smass" when someone's got their face buried in my butt cheeks, but I'd make an exception for the mere satisfaction of getting revenge on Tyra. For what? Having this damn mysterious hold over me. I'm drawn to watching what bat-shit insane thing she's going to do next. And I hate myself for it.
There were a few other infuriating moments in this episode. Rachel was sent home prematurely because she couldn't sing a show-tune on demand. For cock's sake, the girl was just trying to decide whether she should sing "Popular" or "On My Own". Give her a moment! And you'll have to click through to find out who got eliminated in the judging. I blame Lauren Conrad.
– Dewitt
If you actually care to see this week's shoot, follow the JUMP:
…And if you don't care, stop bitching in the comments and go read some posts with scantily clad men here or here. Now that we've settled that, let's move on to the girls.
ASHLEY: In yet another moment of Tyra being intolerable, she chose this photo because Ashley was posing too much in the other ones. They Photoshopped out the random guy on the show, but seem to have neglected to do so for their website…
BRITTANY: How did this girl pull off a nearly impossible pose and not get chosen as the best picture? Lauren Conrad made some comment about how it looks like they Photoshopped her into the picture. If that's the case, I blame shitty art direction and retouching. Brittany worked it out on that horse!
ERIN: This is the photo that beat Brittany for best of the bunch. I acknowledge that Erin really pulled off the angry-hot look, but her pose and presence are lackluster at best. And in an episode about "smising", should you really be rewarding the girl whose photo makes it looks like she'll devour you?
JENNIFER: The judges kept giving her crap for her lazy eye, which failed to be a focal point until this episode. I expect that this was foreshadowing for a future episode. They're basically going to eliminate her because she can't overcome a minor flaw.
KARA: As this cycle's token "girl who occasionally looks like a drag queen", Kara's actually looks pretty feminine here. Compared to Bianca's photo, she looks like the poster child for having a vagina.
LAURA: Another stunning photo from Laura. I'm already predicting that she'll go far in this competition. She's starting to remind me a little of Joanie from Cycle 6. They're both the types of girls who you wouldn't look at and think "model", but they bring it hard when it's time to deliver. Also, she said she loves being nude. We have that in common.
LULU: I've really come to loathe Lulu's ridiculous weave. When she came on the show, she had a very short Rihanna-esque haircut. This photo is cute. That's all I really have to say about it, and I'm not even sure if that's a compliment.
NICOLE: Aside from Britney's equine gymnastics routine, this is another photo that should have been contending for best picture. I've said it before, but Nicole is just like last cycle's Allison. Neither of them have to do much to look astounding. In this case, I think Nicole's sad features won't bring her to the top two.
RAE: They kept comparing this to Madonna. Though I'm not sure if I'd agree, I like that Rae did something legitimately interesting with her shoot. I imagine this is the thought in her head–"I may be short, but you are shorter. I am going to crush you, little jockey man."
SUNDAI: Much like Lulu's photo, this is just cute. Sundai needs to kick it up a notch, or I think she'll be going home soon. I mean, she's already the shortest model in the competition!
COURTNEY: This is the photo from the eliminated contestant. It's basically Lulu's photo with different arm positions. They gave Courtney shit for not being able to deliver after Mister Jay asked her to keep her cast on. Hmm, didn't Bianca not deliver and bitch about her shoot last week?
BIANCA: Speaking of Bianca, this is quite possibly one of the worst photos in ANTM history. They're obviously keeping her on for the drama, but when does that stop? The judges made an insensitive joke that transgender contestant Isis looked more feminine in her shoots.
This wasn't from the actual shoot. It's just Brittany getting her hair done on set. Doesn't she look incredible though? I could really see her working as a professional model, aside from the whole short factor.
uhm okay..
Brittany has worked as a model before – look up the ANTM thread of “The Fashon Spot” and you’ll see something like 100 photos she did pre-show.
No way are they getting rid of Jennifer–she’s probably going to win, even if she does have four strikes against her (height, race, eye, and age). In a few episodes they’ll probably start saying she has “defeated her wonky eye” or something, and that’ll be why she wins.
Laura, Nicole, Brittany, and Erin are my favorites. If they were all just a few inches taller I think they’d have a real career on their hands. As it is… probably not. Oh well!
My bf observed that Tyra’s antics make you uncomfortable even as a viewer.
I can’t imagine what it’d be like to work for her. Last night she nearly raped Nigel Barker.
I was so mad last night, they sent two good girls home and still kept that freaking bitch Bianca. I really hope she goes home soon.
That last picture of Brittany looks like she has a tape worm for a neck. Somebody, please please stop animal cruelty and feed our models.