Nothing says “come over and suck my dick”
like old -timey family photos.

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Gentle Readers: Lurid Digs is not the site you go to for delicate critiques of your decorating choices. But then again, I don’t suppose anyone willingly ends up skewered on that site for all to see, with clenched fists, in front of their sad fireplaces. It’s just a thing that happens to some people, like Lupus or cargo pants:

 

 

David: Hook-up culture has mutated into a dehumanizing free-for-all of anything-goes disposability. As in: disposable people. And so displayed family photographs are a bad idea for courting a date (or — especially — a quick fuck’n’dump).

Such is the problem with this dwelling, where the aspirant’s sprawl of family photos (going back to what looks to be Uncle Albert from the mid-1940s) will most certainly work against his odds of getting laid. He might be confused with someone with a family, a life, a heart!

But of course we’re an interior design website, not a Dear Prudence for the Grindr set.

So let’s study ways that this room might be improved. Heating seems to be nonexistent (as in baseboard or forced air) so the focus on the fireplace’s wood collection (inside the place and outside) as well as starter logs and mounds of last month’s PennySavers telegraphs financial hardship. Change the message! Light a fire and move all of that woodsy clutter (and old holiday popcorn tin) out of the way and allow the eye a natural landing spot on the romantic logs aflame.

We think, too, the wall’s lighting arrangement could have used a tape measure to find the center spot of the mantle piece and play off of that. Why? Well, the homeowner seems to be a Libra, with all of the various symmetrical arrangements in the room — the two gigantic navy blue loveseats on either side of the fireplace being the most emphatic. Find your fulcrum, honey!

Finally, we do like the Gypsy Rose Lee touch of the tossed-off winter coat, crumpled on the loveseat’s arm. Though, again, the homeowner’s clinched fists telegraph heating issues in the home (and encroaching hypothermia). You can just hear his brain screaming: “Take the motherfucking picture! Now goddamnit!”
Summer can’t come soon enough.

 

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I would like to point out that despite all of these salient points, I would still entertain a discussion with this guy, should I have received this pic. If only to get some advice on how to get my hair that thick and lustrous. Maybe this dude just missed his calling as a hair model, and that’s what has fed into the sad chaos of his home surroundings.

 

At any rate, there’s more Lurid Digs here.

 

– tyler