Dewitt refused to write this post. He was very sincere when he asked me to do it for him. He’s not feeling Ciccone. I’m fine with it. I like Madonna. I have been programmed since adolescence to give anything she does the benefit of the doubt. Sure, she’s a self-centered, megalomaniacal, crotchety twat. But who doesn’t like that in a gal?
Her new single/vid is “Gimme All Your Luvin'” and it dropped today. It’s just in time for her Superbowl halftime performance on Sunday. Complete with football-themed video! The “M” in Madge is for “Marketing Spider Queen”. For a breakdown, Follow the JUMP!
– J. Harvey
:10 – Some bullshit saying about “luv” and “players”. I hate when she tries to be hep.
:12 – If I were a straight dude, I would be all up in M.I.A.’s business. She’s hot. Nicki Minaj’s album was a favorite of mine (don’t tell Dewitt that, he hates when she’s doing anything except guest appearances on other bitches’ tracks) but she has gotten super-cunty annoying lately. I’ve also read that she’s an evil Naomi Campbell-esque diva in real life. Like, she’s smacked around assistants and physically attacked whoever is responsible for her nail sculpture in the past. M.I.A. is way hotter without all the styling trickery and seems like she has a better attitude.
:22 – M pushing a baby carriage cracks me up for some reason. I know she’s mother to three, but I find her to be the least maternal woman on the planet. Maybe it’s the shades and trenchcoat.
:26 – As Dewitt pointed out, M.I.A. looks like she would rather be at the gynecologist’s office than here. Selling out is painful.
:40 – Is that a shower of piss? She’s kinky (still).
:50 – She’s still got body. Legs. Enough with the crucifixes. Ever since you practically shoved one up you in the Blonde Ambition-era, I haven’t been able to go to church.
1:05 – I’m easily delighted so I thought her walking along the wall was nifty. Yes, shiny objects usually transfix me.
1:41 – Every friend I have who’s a Madge-hater just howled in despair and rage as she was shielded from the bullets. That’s totally Gaga with the tommy gun. M has been throwing major shade at her.
1:45 – She’s really mocking the motherhood thing. I’m kinda into it. Lourdes is at home thinking “That ain’t fiction, she really sucked. Why do you think I had to wait until I was 15 before she let me nix the uni-brow? She just didn’t want anyone to be as pretty as her in our family!”
1:50 – Climbing a mountain of men when she’s usually under that many.
2:12 – I think I’m missing the references here. Lace bodysuit, curly blonde wig, sluttery. An homage to Marilyn Monroe and to her 1980s self? Or was this just to make sure Nicki and M.I.A. looked ridic so they wouldn’t outshine her? What vodka is she selling in the background? Do I need to drink that many bottles to understand this? Also, all of the backup people are wearing those fetish masks that super-kinky transvestites wear that make them look like serial-killing dolls. Unlike.
2:25 – Ugh, Nicki’s delivery is starting to grate on my testicles.
2:53 – I think M.I.A. is using ASL to sign for help. Everyone cue up “Paper Planes” on their iPods and form a prayer circle for her.
3:11 – The “yeah, this vid is ridiculous, but I have billions of dollars, so fuck you.” look she shoots at the camera is priceless.
3:20 – The fetish cheerleader knocking off the football helmet is the best part of this video. She needs to have more Wendy O. Williams-type destruction in her videos. It would help her relevance.
It’s fine. Perfectly edible slice of pop. What do you think?
Mental floss, STAT! Someone burn or cut out my corneas!
The video looks like a rush job to me. Madonna’s solo “dancing” was atrocious, and her choreographed moves were all but non-existent. But to give her some credit, she looks great (but with all the digital technology now available, who knows what she actually looked like during filming?)
As for her co-stars, thank god for Minaj, whom I usually despise. MIA was boring and pointless, but Nikki’s rapid fire rap delivery was the highlight of the entire song.
The song itself sucks, I’m afraid. It sounds like a 33RPM played at 45RPM (showing my age, I know), and Madonna’s vocal was so “enhanced” she sounded like she was just coming off a lungful of helium.
(i don’t like That in a girl.
or in a boy who wishes emulate a girl.
Thanks.)
Sounds like Madonna decided that to remain relevant she would do a Katy Perry type song. FAILURE!
her face looks inflated… and i read someone say somewhere that she was looking like a Kelly Osbourne head…. TRUE!!
song sounds ok in a cheap production dull 60s style pastiche
not all that, not bad, ok, whatever
This is amazingly horrible! It reminds me of that song from the 70’s or 80’s “Oh Mickey” by Toni Basil. Egads! This will never be a hit.
I LUV EVERY BIT OF IT AND MADONNA SOUNDS REALLY GOOD I’M DIGGING THIS WHOLE NEW MADONNA ERA… I THINK WE’RE IN FOR A GREAT SURPRISE FROM MADONNA… TO ME IT’S REFRESHING AND JUST MADONNA ENJOYING HERSELF AND MAKING MUSIC
she is a loser who cant sing cant dance. she is the reason why music sucks. the best thing she ever did was when no one knew she was still alive
meh it’s ok, she has a great talent in M.I.A and barely uses it though, I know they do another song together hope it’s more M.I.A esque which is a sound that Madonna could maybe bring a little more attention to.
Nicki Minaj is the only part of this song/video that has any relevance to this century. As far as the background music… Gaga’s ‘sound’ puts Madonna to shame… Katy perry’s videos leave Madonna in the dust. And from a gay man’s perspective they were the most un-sexy footballers I have ever seen… missed opportunity… but then it would have taken the focus off her highness.
the day that any of the newbies(very talented may i add) stick around for 3 decades,making the spot ligth their line of “coke”. We will pass the crown. As for now is only one queen. VIVA LA MADGE!!!!
3:45 of my life I will never get back. Madonna, this is a fail…
Gotta agree with the general consensus here: a fail. The song itself sounds like a pale imitation of Katy Perry. The video does look like a rush job to coincide with Madge performing at the Super Bowl. A surprisingly unsexy, unmemorable video.
why do I sense Madonna is turning into a real-life Nora Desmond? (look it up)
its a hit simple no fuss but masterpeice off we is great
Perhaps she shouldn’t have used the line “every record sounds the same” because…well…
FAIL.
Ew…..Sorry Vadge….er, I mean Madge. Retirement starting to look good?
i like the part in the chorus where she *cough* sings “every record sounds the same” well yeah madge all your records do sound the same, she just can’t pull off an up to date style of music and bringing niki minaj and mia into it just makes her look even more desperate!