Comedian Michael Ian Black, who’s perhaps most famous for fucking Bradley Cooper in a shed, wrote an interesting article for VICE from the (straight) male perspective. Essentially, he’s not as obsessed with sex as our culture tells him he should be, and this realization has occasionally left him feeling “embarrassed and emasculated”. Here’s an excerpt, for your reading pleasure:
“To me, sex isn’t even about sex. Fundamentally, it’s about acceptance, having somebody desire you enough to allow you to envelop them and wanting that person to envelop you in return. When the culture tells me I’m not having enough of it, it seems like what it’s telling me is that the culture itself does not accept me. What can I do to become more acceptable? Buy those jeans, drive that car, smother myself in Axe body spray. It’s a losing battle. I can never accumulate enough stuff—money, lovers—to satisfy the itch our shitty culture is causing. If anything, it’s like a venereal disease; the more I scratch at it, the worse I end up feeling.
“I want to be a good man. I feel like I am a good man. I’m just not a horny man. Unless we’re talking about BJs.”
You can read the full piece here, if you’re so inclined. It reminds me of a conversation I had recently about “slut shaming”, in which a friend brought up the alternative perspective of “prude shaming”. Not exactly the same thing! Nevertheless, it’s still something to think about on a Tuesday morning.
Are you obsessed with sex? If so, do you feel your obsession is purely biological, a byproduct of societal pressure or a combination of both? If not, do you ever feel ashamed that you’re not as horny as everyone else? Let’s chat about this, folks.
– Dewitt
I constantly feel as though I am not as horny as others. I talk to some people who are borderline insatiable and I won’t lie it makes me feel like an outlier in terms of the general normality curve people seem to think guys run on for sex. I have my moments of wanting nothing more than to get off but at the same time it never feels like I am in the mood as much as the next guy.
I am fairly sure this is a conflict of both nature and nurture. I overall have never felt super sexual because I always believed (and still do) that a relationship was not about sex and I have always wanted a relationship more than just sex which is where I believe the nature is in play. You can argue that this is all nurture and conflicting societal messages in regards to people telling others to settle down and not be all about sleeping around but I think it is more a desire to find someone and feel a sense of belonging which I inherently place as a natural desire rather than one constructed in the media.
As for the nurture portion, well, look where this post is being made it. It’s a blog based out of a website that is setup to facilitate hook ups. That does not mean that it is built around everyone having sex but that is the implied usage. Gay culture and culture in general seem to stress overall the need for everyone to be having sex and hooking up with people. Commercials are tailored towards getting people to hook up or giving people a theoretical edge when they are out and about. So its not hard to believe that sex should be on everyone’s minds constantly.
Back on the main question of “Do I feel like I am not driven enough by sex”, yes. For all the reasons mentioned above I feel like I am never sex driven enough. I don’t go out with the intention of hooking up, I don’t tend to cruise and for all intents and purposes I am looking for a relationship more than I am looking for anything else. Just for a point of comparison I am 25. I have felt the same way since 18. More perspective, I didn’t care enough about sex to lose my virginity till 22 and I only ended up doing that because I felt pressured by society to do it or be even more on an anomaly.
Someone else who is tired and likes bjs.
Amen
I completely agree with him, although I’m typically masturbating furiously.
Today is overly sexualized.
When it comes to relationships and such however, I’m really only truly turned on when I know someone else is into me.
I can’t tell if this comment sounds stupid or not.
Oh well.
XOXO