Things are about to get real, y’all! While it’s not often that we approach the topic of unprotected sex on Manhunt Daily, I’ve been inspired by the latest surge of “bareback boyfriend” porn. Studios who don’t usually dip into that territory have been experimenting with this phenomenon, and the implication seems to be that going without a condom is perfectly acceptable in a monogamous relationship.
Do you agree with that sentiment? Or should safer sex always be practiced, even within a committed relationship? Since this is such a touchy topic, I’d ask that you please try to respect one another’s opinions on this matter.
– Dewitt
Photo credit: Drake Rock
To watch Dominik Rod & Perry Drile in action, follow the JUMP:
NOTE: We here at Manhunt Daily have no intentions of endorsing unprotected sex. We encourage you to make responsible decisions in your sexual activities, however you may interpret that. Apologies if this disclaimer is a boner-kill for some of you, but we feel the need to put this out there.
I’m going to need to get my popcorn for this discussion!
We’re all adults here, and as such, we all must assume the risk, of whatever behaviour in which we are engaging. This pertains to BBing or even in real life, like riding a motorcycle on the freeway, or better yet, riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The thrill, the feel, the excitement….comes with a risk, a possible consequence: HIV, other STDs…or with the m/c, a head injury resulting in possible death. As an adult BBing, as long as I’m upfront with my partner, and both agree and are aware and consent…..it’s nobody’s business but my own and my partner, monogamous relationship or not. Save the sermons for the pulpit!
You really have to be serious. Most gay relationships last a week or two so that shouldn’t count as a monogamous relationship. A lot of guys cheat. It’s very risky business. But I think if you really love someone, and know you are only going to be with them, and you both go get checked out together, then BB sex is okay.
BBing is the most irresponsible thing one can do this days. That is just crazy. No one should ever do BBing,EVER! it’s Dirty and Nasty.
Whoa Mark! I agreed with every word you wrote but dirty and nasty. Sex without condoms is awesome, not dirty and nasty, but also ill advised.
I have met several guys in the last few years that were in monogamous relationships. And all caught HIV from their partners who were cheating. Bottom line is who can you really trust? Ultimately, your health is your responsibility. Not your partner.
What I can’t believe is just how many tops insist on barebacking (I’m a bottom, so this is just my experience). I’d say a good 3/4 of my hook ups want to have sex without a condom. I don’t get it. I mean, yeah, it feels great for both sides. But what you can possibly get does not. Shocking. Now a monogamous relationship is another thing. Hell, if you trust them, it might be worth the risk. Until you catch syphillus or something. Then u might not do it again!
You have no one to blame but yourself if you catch AIDS from having unprotected sex, regardless of the situation. There is no right or wrong, just infected and not infected. Even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, if you catch something it is your own fault, not the fault of the cheating significant other.
If the guys are honest with each other, are truely in a monogamous relationship and have at least 9 to 12 months of hiv tests that are neg, than bareback sex should be OK.
What one persoin finds disgusting another finds romantic and pure. IT is not for us to judge.
Jeez, most comments here (and elsewhere) imply that natural sex is the most awful, horrific thing ever! I for one HATE when it’s called “unsafe” or “unprotected”. What do you think our ancestors did before condoms? They had natural sex, like any other animal. I get the need to avoid catching a disease, I really do. And while I’ve had natural sex with multiple partners (male & female) over the years, I get tested often. If someone has trust issues, by all means use condoms, but don’t try and belittle people for going natural. I’m now in a monogamous relationship, we don’t use condoms, but get tested regularly. We’re both clean (infection & hygiene wise) so we don’t see any problem with it.
Get off your high horses.
we fool ourselves that it makes the connection more meaningful, but its just a short moment of estacy that can scar yourfor the rest of your life. I agree gay relationships/ hookups are not that long that going bb makes sense
If there can be a high degree of confidence in the monogamy of a relationship, then there is no reason to believe that bareback sex presents any greater risk to gay men than it does to heterosexual couples.
The issue is the degree of confidence. Men are what they are. Consensually open relationships, fun on the side, and ephemerally short relationships are all prevalent. This is not surprising. It is the nature of men in general.
In my opinion, couples should never engage in bareback sex until they have been together for at least one year with a high estimate of fidelity, both past and ongoing.
@ Mark: Dude, it’s not 1985. I’m going to go ahead and assume that your 16 years old.
Here is an easy answer, wait until marriage.
Would this question apply to straight couples?
I doubt it. No married straight couple would consider using condoms forever in order to prevent std’s. Why? Trust.
Gay’s can not only be trusted but they can also be monogamous. To imply that they can’t be, is insulting.
I can’t believe how cheating is just expected with the gays. Like it is just natural that your partner would cheat, so it is your fault for catching an STD. We need to blame the cheaters AND the people who are unsafe with the person they thought they could trust, not just with the naive party. Your health is your responsibility, true, but this does not mean we let cheaters get off scott free.
Any gay man who believes that his boyfriend, partner, or passing fling isn’t getting it on with someone else is fooling himself.
There is no such thing as constant, reliable monogamy. It’s not a criticism of the strength of someone’s relationship – it’s just how life is.
I think that bare backing is far more prevalent than just this one genre of porn would suggest. In fact, I’d guess we’re back to the swinging early 80’s in terms of safe sex practices.
To each his own… whatever two people do is there business and only they can make the decisions for themselves. Why must people be so judgmental about someone else’s choice of how to engage in sex.
now.. normaly i would say u need a condom. but when u have been with the same person for a long time and ur ready to take ur relationship to the next step, unprotected sex is very intermet. as long as u BOTH go TOGETHER and get urself checked out for all the STI’s and are both there to here the resolts i cant see a problem with it.. cus lets face it. if ur always having sex with the same guy for over a year, im willing to bet the condom and broken more then once and u proberly have what ever the other person has already, so whats the harm of enjoying the feeling?
I also find it very disturbing that some guys commenting here seem to feel that monogamous relationships are impossible. That to me implies that they never try (or at least haven’t found the right person). Therefore, if they don’t find someone, everyone else MUST be cheating… crickey, who pissed in your wheaties to get you to feel that way?
Sex, along with breathing, eating, & drinking water is THE most important aspect of life. Without it, we as a species would kind of, you know, die out (yes, that refers to ‘breeders’ but the sex drive is so strong it transcends gender).
I don’t have sex without a condom. I don’t a see a reason not to use them. I like using them. I refuse to get into a political argument about using them. I refuse to get into the trust issue with using them. Whether I’m top or bottom, it goes on or it doesn’t go in, period.
I respect other people’s choices, but it’s my opinion if we all played by those rules the number of HIV cases we have today would be a much lower number.
“while I’ve had natural sex with multiple partners (male & female) over the years, I get tested often……I’m now in a monogamous relationship, we don’t use condoms, but get tested regularly.”
DAK1975: just wanted to comment on what u wrote. there’s no attack here….Just wanted to put it out there that it’s been proven that psychologically, some people use GETTING TESTED as a means of prevention when it’s NOT. If you’ve thrice tested negative every 3 months consecutively, and you’ve been engaging in the SAME practices, then why would you need to take the test??? Unless you’re doing something risky and you’re using the test to get that. “Whew I’m good” affirmation. Just sayin. 😉
I’d love everytime when I’m in bed or a bathroom stall with a guy to not have to awkwardly pause to reach for the condom, and tear it open, and slide it on, and lube it up, before sliding my cock in. But I’d much rather that than the ongoing stress of wondering “I hope he was safe…He said he was, but I hope he was telling me the truth”.
When they say trust is key in a relationship they aren’t lying.
I trust that my boyfriend will stay committed, and he has. We’re in the 4th year of our relationship and we no longer use condoms. I think it is to each his own, if you aren’t comfortable in your relationship then wear condoms all the time, but don’t look down on people in committed relationships with monogamous, faithful partners, just because you have never experienced that type of relationship doesn’t make those who are, stupid.
Anon wrote, “If you’ve thrice tested negative every 3 months consecutively, and you’ve been engaging in the SAME practices, then why would you need to take the test???”
Answer: Because it’s still a good habit to get into. I want to be with my partner for as long as we can, but I’m not naive enough to think I (or he) will /never/ find someone else. Thus, I would still prefer to get tested.
SHAME SHAME SHAME — how sad you promote this any in form.
it’s very interesting how this topic generate such an interesting conversation… As a doctor I have seen several times, people gay and straight male and female getting HIV from some “significant other” and some others who get it from total strangers… at the end its a risk that everyone have to decide if they want to assume… I think no one should be punish for the decisions made on bed… but everyone should be aware and conscious of the risk they are taken…. I don’t think bb sex it’s dirty or nasty as someone said before, I think it’s just very risky … if this disease don’t exist… well I think opinions will be very different…
Barebacking…hmmmm…well, I remember when I was a kid, and my mom told me, “Don’t ride your tri-cycle too close to the steps, you could fall…” and I did. I get the speech from my doctor, who is positive, and I get all the information from web, tv, etc…it’s a matter of trust…yes, I do BB with a long term partner after testing, and it is a trust thing…I never get serious with someone I can’t trust. Let’s face it, you eat a potato chip before oral sex and get a tiny laceration in your mouth…you can be infected that way, does that mean you eat only mashed food and enjoy oral sex or eat what you want and make them wear a condom…any sex is dangerous, even protected…trust your partner and don’t give in to the skin on skin until you know them…that’s the way I look at it…and get tested…it’s free
Everyone knows the risk and yes BB’ing with a hook-up or one night stand is an absolutely irresponsible and to be blunt, stupid thing to do. But If you and your partner are in a loving, committed and honest relationship and you want to get closer to one another, it would be a perfectly understandable way of experimenting. As long as both take necessary precautions, blood tests and the like, then their should not be a problem.
I believe that the people who are saying that BB’ing is wrong and think that people in relationships can’t be trusted are no better than people that say that homosexuality is wrong and gays a just promiscuous deviants.
Really who cares what other people are doing with each other, it’s not directly affecting you, unless you choose to be involved, in that case, wear a condom and stop complaining about it.
Oh, boyfriends BB’ing. Just be smart about it. Get tested regularly, be honest with your partner and really talk with your partner about it, the consequence if something were to go wrong and make sure you understand the complications of it.
I still find it astonishing that no one believes that their partner will ever cheat. Sigh. I know there is a trust issue but the larger issue is so much more complicated.
The trouble with most forums in general is that no one wants to read thoughtful comments by others. Most people are only interested in expressing their own opinion.
Even the most well meaning people make mistakes. And ultimately it is your health, not your partner’s health, that you will have to deal with.
Life is full of risks. Just be sure you want to accept the consequences of your partners indiscretions. I know this upsets some guys (because their partner is different) but it is just a realistic assessment.
BBing is just fine for a couple in a committed relationship. Even then, from my personal experience. My Partner and I have been in an open relationship for going on 12 years in Sept. We get tested on a 6month basis and we communicate with who and what we do when not with each other. One rule is, use condoms when with other people. However after 12 years if you can’t trust someone for that extra step. then you really fail at relationships. John and I have been BBing for 9 years of the 12 we have been together.
I beg to differ with a few of the above comments. I personally have been with the same man for two years. We both are monogamous and have had BB sex before. We both have been tested and have not been with anyone else since our relationship began. I don’t feel that I am naive for thinking that we are monogamous at all. People who truly love one another are not going to jeopardize their relationships by sleeping around. Don’t place judgments on others just because you can’t hold a decent relationship. Gay men can have a lasting relationship without any lies or cheating. It is really disheartening that even people in our own community can’t get past some of the ignorant stereotypes put on us. It doesn’t help our fight and will just hinder it even further.
Ekos, that is a beautiful sentiment but it does not prevent you from getting HIV.
I can give you tons of what ifs. Just one scenario is topping bb. Most people stupidly think you cannot get HIV from topping without condoms. I was one of those stupid people and I was wrong. I contracted HIV anyway.
One of the things I have learned about HIV in the last few years is just how uninformed most negative guys are. Mistakes happen even with the most pious individual. I believe in fidelity and trust but only with myself not with anyone else.
I know you hate me for saying this so go ahead and take the risks. It is your life and only you can control your own future. You cannot control your partner. Good luck. Really! Good luck.
Just one final comment. If is sooo female to think you can control your man. Women believe that all the time and they are frequently wrong. The reverse is also true. My point is only you can only control your destiny. You cannot rely on someone else to contribute to it. And I can hear you all now. But my BF is different! No, I am not bitter or cynical. Just realistic. I made a mistake and don’t think that you can’t also.
Again, good luck!
@get real … do you know how/when you contracted hiv as a top? I did a small research project a few years back asking thousands of hiv pos tops how they got infected. I had a couple “I don’t know”, 2 – nicked which shaving his shaft and presume blood contact, 3 bleeding gums and oral and the rest were bottoms when they got it.
It was informal, for a research paper and did not meet scientific methodologies so it could never be a trusted source, not even close, but I did find it fascinating.
Could not find one person who definitively caught it as a top. Being a top, it did not stop me from wearing condoms … but it was interesting.
For the committed relationship, many times (not all), guys know when their monogamous partner starts to stray but don’t want to acknowledge it nor have the conversation. Also want to avoid the conversation. One cannot be BB and suddenly desire a condom without an awkward conversation.
I enjoy watching BB sex … and I came of age at the dawn of AIDS.
Condoms — you keep us safer yet we hate you …
– hate the slide out result after cumming … I prefer to stay lodged in my partners ass for as long as possible … unfortunately condoms make me go softer quicker without the skin contact and then slide out quicker
– fumbling to get it on
– fumbling to get it off … esp for the guy that wants to be sprayed on his chest as I shoot … I hate to switch to jacking at all for the final moments, then having to jerk off a tight condom without losing the momentum … not nice
– condoms and lube need tags like garanimals … so you don’t mix and match the wrong ones. I’ve had a few condoms disintegrate given the lube used … no wonder it felt so damned much better … and I thought maybe it was just the fresh poppers …
I prefer fucking with condom, even though it’s my bf or someone who’s disease free. I just find it more hygienic. I don’t want my dick touching poo, there’s full of bacteria in the anus (even when washed).
One thing a year’s worth of risky decisions has taught me is that if a guy’s going to bareback with you he’s going to BB with others. We’ll see what the next test says…
The thing about this discussion is, people bandy about two things – monogamy and prophylaxis – as if a condom is some magical alternative to being informed, being honest, and communicating with your partner. There’s smarter sex, and then there’s safer sex, right? It suggests we focus on feeling like ‘safer sex’ practices are an insurance policy against irresponsible choices, instead of choosing to cultivate a culture of sexual responsibility and full disclosure. Putting the two together is best. Honestly, bb feels great, but i don’t want to know how AIDS feels.
In the end, i think GetReal said the final word on the topic: it’s your choice whether or not to bareback, just “be [DAMN] sure you want to accept the consequences of your partner’s [choices]”.
I repeat – Bareback Sex is Dirty and Nasty. Stupid and Irresponsible!.
I personally do not engage in BB sex. I just don’t want to run the risk for any STDs and judging from seeing what has happened to friends around me, trust is the hardest thing to maintain in most gay relationships. I have one friend who was getting tested with his partner of 3 years, but his partner lied about his HIV status and my friend did not find out until his partner became suddenly ill and died shortly after. Another friend got herpes from his partner of several years who was hiding it from him the entire time and yet insisted that he was disease free. I think if a couple decides to BB and want to keep their partner safe, all visits should be done together with the same doctor and when they have been in a relationship long enough when there is no chance of disease laying dormant, then they can decide what’s best for their sex life. Just my opinion.
Carter Steele:
I don’t mind sharing how I got my HIV. I am pretty sure I contracted it as a top. I rarely got penetrated and always with a condom. Due to some anatomical advantages I have I’ve always been in demand as a top. Seems like 90% of the guys out there are bottoms.
In April 2007 I got syphilis. In October 2007 I tested positive. I was told by several doctors that it is believed that HIV will transmit more easily with syphilis.
I am sure some people want to scoff at this but nevertheless it is the only explanation I can come up with for my infection and I would have no reason to lie. One of the advantages of the conversion is that I have learned to enjoy bottoming more now that the fear and stress has lessened. I still play safe but I am much less concerned now.
This is nothing more than a chronic disease and I am very healthy. I could have diabetes or heart disease. There are many things worse I suppose. I would certainly love to go back to pre 2007 but that is not possible and I refuse to feel ashamed and dirty and “nasty”. There is a lot of bigotry in the gay community and that is frequently apparent on this board.
Thanks for asking and if this helps only one person then it was worth sharing.
once you’ve made the commitment to to be monogamous (and established that both of you are negative), “unprotected” sex is practically a requirement. Insisting upon a condom when you’re in a monogamous relationship is saying “I don’t trust you” to your partner — and telling him that you can’t be trusted either.
Are there risks? Sure, but even those are mitigated despite a cheating partner if he engages in safe sex when he cheats. Just don’t get into a relationship with a guy who wants to bearback before putting the time into the relationship to ensure that you are both safe.
i think if the relationship is truely monogamous and no hanky panky on the side BB is fine – I prefer for myself and my significant other to regularly test even though committed, after all HIV can lay dormant for several years after contact.
And on the video side — BB BF’s can be very hot to watch
Not into BB, but i’m not going to ridicule someone because they prefer it. I’m just saying that i’m personally not gonna allow someone to do that to me nor would I do that to someone else.
IMHO: we’re all adults and can make our own decisions. What adults do in the privacy of their bedroom doesn’t concern me…
I volunteer for an AIDS organisation so I see firsthand the affects that the disease has on people. So I try and educate people about the risks and consequences, but it’s not my place to beat them over the head with it.
Some people lie about their status or are prone to cheat, so why take the risk right off the bat? Trust your neighbour, but tie up your camel at nite… Which means you can love them all you want, but you’ve also got to be practical and think about yourself and what works for you.
If further down the line you all wanna get tested together and have a frank and honest conversation about your relationship, then by all means go for it….
wake up, guys.
all guys cheat. str8 guys, gay guys, bi guys, the FedEx guy, etc.
if you’re monogamous — congrats! but there is a huge chance your partner is not! just sayin’
so protect yourselves, guys. not worth your life.
and to those who think HIV is a manageable disease — congrats. for now. but wait for the next mutation. it’s coming because of all you dumbass barebackers.
have a good day.
In my opinion, bare backing is just not worth it. I would rather lose a relationship (no matter how in love we were or how faithful we were or were not) than engage in unprotected sex. My health is far more important to me than what others say is more pleasurable sexual experience. Personally, my well-being and self-respect outweighs a few fleeting orgasms or the love of a boyfriend/husband/whatever that didn’t have the same priority.
I don’t know why gay porn uses condoms but straight porn seldom does. I’ve noticed that Corbin Fisher has been doing a lot of bareback teasting as of late.
I am confused. In no straight forum do you see a discussion about couples using condoms so they dont get AIDS. But yet we promote that we can be just stable as a straight couple, and also say that your partner will eventually cheat. At this point we are saying that gays arent trustworthy or honest. I know I am trustworthy and honest, so who am I to not think someone else is, especially if we have established a relationship and are monogamous.
Stop trying to tell other people how they should be.
It’s amazing how many of you Homos still think(judge)like Heteros LOL
This subject and everything else about sex should fall under the category of: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, PERIOD 😉
This is a clear example of why I feel that only about 1% of the gay community is worth my time.
Respect & best wishes to ALL !!!
I’ve always been safe, and I’ve been cheated on by 3/5 exes. It’s a pretty crappy stat. But you know what, I KNOW not all guys cheat. Because I don’t. And I’m not a snowflake, so that means there are others like me in this world. “WakeUp” and “The Divo”, I think YOU need to wake up. Generally, I’ve found that all the people who have a cynical view on others, and constantly say that everyone else cheats, are one of the first people to cheat in a relationship. That’s how you justify your cheating and promiscuous behavior. “Well every one else does it.” 2 of my cheating exes were insanely jealous, and constantly getting pissed off when I got flirty with someone. I’m a pathological flirt, just because I say you’re good looking, doesn’t mean I’m gonna be meeting you in the bathroom stall in 5 minutes. Gross.
I had unsafe sex once. We were both virgins, and we were both lusting after one another. I moved, so the relationship broke down. BB is awesome. It feels good, and you really do feel closer to the person. But, every other guy I’ve been with, there has been rubber between us. I get tested annually still, because you all do realize that condoms only work about 95% of the time, not to mention the off chance of a hole being torn into the condom. So, in all technicalities, you men who can’t keep your dicks in your pants passed the first date, but think you’re such f-ing saints because you wear the rubber, there is a possibility of catching a disease still. Even if it is minuscule. So the only sure fire way for you to be safe is abstinence. And by the sounds of some of these comments, not many of you could last a week without sex. Now THAT is sad, my friends.
To “Get Real”… I’m sorry, but there actually aren’t that many men who are stupid enough to think you can’t get a disease while being a top. All you have to do is look at heterosexuals. How the hell else would there be any STDs in the hetero world? I’m sorry, but saying that the gay community is uninformed like that is just dumb. Maybe they were uninformed about that stuff back in the 80’s and earlier. I don’t know.
So, all in all, if we could get passed this delinquent need to be constantly getting laid, as if you’re in this constant stage of just hitting puberty and needing to get off, we can make a dent in the transmissions of these diseases. But, our species, never mind the people in our sexual orientation, seems to have not passed this stage. Hell, I’m definitely no saint. So, like it’s already been said, if you’re in a loving, honest, committed relationship, and BB is what you’re both into, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Just stay clean. I’ve read and heard many doctors advise to always have a shower after sex. Even protected sex. And I always do. 1) it’s a great way to cool down with your partner and 2) it’s very healthy to clean out all the lube and sex sweat. And, obviously, Cum, if you BB’d.
I won’t comment on how I feel about bareback sex…but I will say this…I almost couldn’t tell them apart…They look almost exactly the same.
So, I think people definitely overestimate the power of condoms. It’s not some HIV blocking superhero.
Also, after a couple years of living dangerously (I’m surprised that I don’t have HIV), I’ve learned just how easy it is to convince a top to go bareback. Even the most condom faithful. The longest it ever took me to convince a guy to take it off was three hookups.
I’m not proud of it. I’m really quite ashamed. But I just thought it important to point out that sex is not completely safe, ever. Especially because many men (and I’ve had many) succumb to a bit of wit and charm (which I’ve got in spades).
At my college, there are practically zero gay guys. I found one who I can fuck. It’s a good system. Plus, I’m better looking than him, so I know he wouldn’t cheat/have sex with someone else (we aren’t dating). Call me a cocky asshole if you like, but I know he wouldn’t. So after summer, spring, and winter breaks if either of us has had sex with someone else, we get tested because it’s free! We find out we’re clean and get back to fucking bareback. With other people in other parts of the world…outside my college… I use condoms. I think my system is pretty solid.
As far as cheating and gays are concerned, yeah it happens. As demand increases, the supplier needs to increase. Meaning that the hotter a gay GUY is, the more he’ll get offers and normal guys usually have a pretty high sex drive, so …. the hot gay may stray. I’m not saying relationships are impossible, but depending on age (being younger) and looks (being hotter) it is a tricky and difficult process for most men because it’s true what they say. Most guys think with their head, and you know it’s not the one on their shoulders.
@Carter Steele I totally agree with your frustration with condoms. I’m vers, but it’s really hard for me to be the top with a condom because it just feels weird, it’s too small, etc and then, I can’t stay hard with it, but without… I’m like a rock. So when it’s with someone besides that guy at my college, I’m almost always bottom. [yes that means what you think it does]
I find it funny and completely ridiculous that some are taking the stance that all gay men cheat.
I have been in two serious relationships, the second for three years (and we had bb the whole time)
I can say with every fibre of my being that neither of my partners ever cheated on me.
If you’re insecure enough to think that every man cheats, then perhaps you need to get off the dance floor and out of the scene and realise that there are some beautiful, responsible and caring men out there, who don’t feel the need to fuck everything in sight.
It’s all about honesty, if you are going to go down the BB road with your partner then you need to have a conversation about trust, cheating, and protecting each other. If you really love a man, you should be able to say to him, ‘i’m happy to have bb sex, but IF you cheat, you need to put me first and ensure my safety’
I think at the end of the day, the people who believe their partner will cheat, are people who would cheat themselves.
If your open, honest and in love, why on earth would you use condoms.
@DAK1975:
If not using a condom is to be regarded as “natural sex,” is it unnatural to use artificial lubricant?
Also FYI, it’s insulting to imply that those who are HIV-positive are not “clean.”
First, not all gay men cheat, although a lot do. Hope we can ALWAYS trust the right people.
Second, the risks are damn real. AIDS, STDS, urinary infections (for tops even when the bottoms don’t have terrible diseases). Dick in poop, go figure (Let’s not fool ourselves. There’s no such thing as thorough cleaning).
Third, in comparison to one’s health and life, trust is sacrificeable.
Despite some poster named Brech calling me both stupid and dumb I must say this post has been very civil. This thread is loaded with tons of misinformation and naivety but that isn’t so bad if some opinions have given others food for thought. As Martha would say, “that is a good thing!”
As much as I believe in love and trust, even the most caring person (male or female) can make horrendous mistakes in moments of weakness. The real hero is the person with good moral character who admits to an indiscretion to his partner. Often times this does not happen and… well you know.
As I said earlier I personally have met at least 3 guys who thought they had loving, caring and trusting monogamous partners. And yet they got HIV. It does happen.
The only truly safe sex is no sex. Life is full of risks. Best advice? Do everything possible to minimize the risk. As we have learned, playing safe does not guarantee you will not get HIV but monogamy and condoms will help tremendously.
Good luck guys!
Reading most of these comments just confirms the fact that I cannot relate to most gay men. I find it extremely sad that most of the commenters here believe monogamy is essentially impossible.
Call me old school, call me a hopeless romantic, call me naive – I don’t care. I have been fortunate enough to find true love, and I know that I can trust him and he can trust me, just as much as I know the sky is blue.
Whether or not we use a condom is besides the point. The point is that we have infinite trust and respect for each other. We are both very attractive guys who garner a lot of attention, but that does not make us any more likely to cheat.
It wasn’t easy to find someone like my partner. I have been in past relationships where I was cheated on and obviously others where I was not cheated on, but by no means did I ever have 100% faith in those previous men. It takes meeting that one true good man. Unfortunately, not many people on this board can relate to this, and perhaps many never will.
For emblazoned and all the monogamous guys commenting here:
Since Manhunt Daily is an offshoot of Manhunt and Manhunt is perhaps the number one most cruisey and notorious board of it’s type, then why are you here? Don’t tell me it is a good way to stay in touch with your friends? But of course it is. All of your monogamous friends cruise Manhunt because they are just staying in touch with friends.
Oh, I know you can read this blog and not go to Manhunt itself. Is that true for all monogamous guys?
Guess they have never heard of facebook, twitter etc.
Just curious. This is not a hit or flame. Just trying to understand. Can you respond without being critical?
Oh, and I do NOT believe monogamy is impossible. It is the ideal relationship for me. My point is only you know what is going on inside your head. Unless you are psychic you cannot read minds. Good luck with your health and happy relationship. Most times they work but they often fail as well. You are putting too much pressure on your partner to be perfect.
@ Get real:
First, I don’t go on Manhunt. I like this blog for the mix of porn, music, tv, and discussions on issues such as this one. And no, I don’t use this site as any form of social networking. I like to keep porn and keeping up with friends separate.
And to your comment, “You are putting too much pressure on your partner to be perfect,” it’s clear that you haven’t found your ideal relationship. There is NO pressure on either of us not to cheat. We just don’t. It’s really that simple. And again, I do find it kind of sad that you would think monogamy is putting too much pressure on your partner.
Throughout our relationship, not once have I had to fight the urge to cheat. There is no urge there at all. Do I find other guys attractive? Obviously. Do I look at porn to get off? Sure. But the thought of cheating never crosses my mind. There is no struggle, and definitely no pressure.
@ Anonymous
“@DAK1975:
If not using a condom is to be regarded as “natural sex,” is it unnatural to use artificial lubricant?
Also FYI, it’s insulting to imply that those who are HIV-positive are not “clean.””
As a matter of fact, we DON’T use lube. I find my precum quite satisfactory (so does my boyfriend). Also, I don’t recall implying that those who are HIV+ are not clean.
@Get Real
I closed my Manhunt account when my boyfriend and I did it together shortly after we met. I’ve actually been reading the blogs far long than I was a member, so your point seems rather moot. And foolish.
This is obviously a topic that touches everyone on different levels. I think, first off, we should all take a moment and see how passionate people are about this subject. The responses have all been well-articulated and not the standard one-line quips.
As for me, I am very open with my preference to bareback. With it comes much responsibility (regular testing, limiting my partners, being honest with my sexual past) I know that these alone are not enough. But, it’s also a choice that I have made and I will accept whatever happens. Only through knowledge comes power; maybe this forum will open discussions more between friends, neighbors, etc. on such an important topic.
Luckily I don’t need to worry about getting HIV since I’ve been positive since before 1983. My partners always know my status before we do anything together. If he/they want me to use condoms, or they want to use condoms with me, that’s fine. But if my partner(s) want bareback sex, I’m fine with that too. I have regular buddies who are negative and positive. Some want it wrapped, some want it raw. Some want to be seeded and some don’t. I’m good with it all. Given that consent is informed all around, and everyone’s of majority, I have no issues of concern about what I do.
emblazoned:
This is beginning to bore me. You do not know me nor do you know that I once had a 13 year monogamous relationship. It was very loving and I had no interest in anyone else. He was my world. And I miss him everyday. I hope to find that happiness again someday.
What you don’t seem to want to accept is my point on trust. You would rather be argumentative. Again my point is not everyone can be trusted despite your lovely and happy life. Trust can be earned but trust can also fail. Just remember this is not about you. This thread is about everyone. So stop taking it so personally. Not everyone is as lucky as you.
I give up. You are perfect. And I am a total loser in your eyes. That is judgmental and pointless since you do not know me.
I apologize that you feel like I have made this all about you. Believe I do not care about you. I care about people making the right safe and sane choices.
This is not an attack. So just let it go. I wish you health, happiness, monogamy and all the perfect things you think are important to you. But remember, not everyone is emblazoned.
DAK1975:
Thanks for the personal attack. Again, this is not about you. Congratulations.
I think it shows that you love and care for your partner even more so when you use a condom. Even if both of you are completely clean and have been totally honest with each other (which rarely happens), using a condom even during the most passionate and loving sex session shows that you care about the health and wellness of not only your partner, but yourself as well. It’s not selfish to want to protect yourself; nor is it an issue of trust. It’s an issue of fact that sex poses risks for both men and women. I’m not trying to get into the disagreement y’all are having amongst yourselves, I’m just throwin my opinion out there. Quite frankly, if my partner/boyfriend didn’t bring up using a condom, I would be a little turned off…thta’s just me I guess…
***that’s
@DAK1975:
It sounds like you have it all worked out. And/or you have a small dick and/or a loose-assed BF.
As for many of the rest of us, we’ll try to carry on while having what you regard to be unnatural sex.
If you choose to not wear a condom, and you contract AIDS, it is your fault. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a monogamous relationship. If he cheated, then it’s his fault, too, but it’s also your fault. If you put ‘trust’ on such a high pedestal that you are willing to risk your life over it, then congratulations on valuing your relationship that much, but if/when you get AIDS it is still your fault.
Trusting someone to be perfect 100% of the time is expecting too much. We are human, we make errors, you can have a momentary lapse in will power. Some people get so drunk they black out, and don’t even know what acts they engage in. Go ahead and trust your partner in a monogamous relationship, but if you get AIDS because you slept with your monogamous boyfriend and didn’t use a condom, it is still your own fault.
We want our community to be given the same respect as the heterosexual community yet say we can’t have unprotected sex because of trust.. Self defeating isn’t it? They can trust in the heterosexual community obviously, or we wouldn’t be here…. So why can’t there be that same trust in our community? Ignorant thinking. It CAN and DOES happen!
@getreal, seems as tho YOU think it’s all about you since you’ve posted more than anyone else…
Also Bill pathetic argument! When did honesty become a pressure?!? Are you kidding?!? Lousy human beings, aren’t you all! My parents tought me to be honest no matter the cost! I refuse to believe I’m one of a kind!
Shoot! Forgot something else. @redphillip: ever heard of reinfection?!? I have HIV. If I play, condoms are a must. They have found that if you get reinfected enough times you WILL become drug resistant. Early death gauranteed. Not to mention there are other diseases besides HIV. So just because you have it doesn’t give you a pass to just play with anyone! I write that kindly and for your benefit.
just adding my two cents… i think if its monogamous…yes…so if in a committed and LONG TERM relationship i believe if u guys trust each other… its good..if its not that long and trust issues..nope..safe sex is the way to be and along with random hook ups too
Whoa, this conversation blew up and my adding this comment is probably useless at this point.
HOWEVER: it is my personal opinion that unprotected sex in a monogamous relationship should be an option, definitely. As long are both are tested far into the relationship and are okay with it of course. I think going unprotected in a relationship is a very big step of trust, and in my book, trust is sexy.
Of course I would still be worried myself and to each his own.
Tam is back! I knew it would happen. LOL
As usual, I’d opted to just sit back and watch events unfold.
🙂
Silly, silly humans…
…The concept of “monogamy” amongst you-all is an off•shoot of your egos’ need to be stoked.
Realistically, and currently, maybe 34% (i’m willing to stake an upper limit of 47%; but *that’s* pushing it very greatly) of all Sexually & Emotionally Monogamous will, in fact, stay monogamous, through the end of those relationships.
Ahh.. ..but, here’s the rub: unless you-all have the omniscience of an Orthodox God, none of you can possibly know if you’re one of the ‘Lucky 34.’
So, long story, shortened: feel free to go condomless with your partner, if that floats your boat; if by chance, you happen to pick up an HIV-infection, and you were one of those ones who’d been touting in protest, “Aww, y’all are just cynical — you can’t presume to speak for the relationship we have,” please look back with irony at what you’d said to the viewing public, here.
(And, understand it if sympathy doesn’t come easily for you, under the circumstances as they’d unfolded.)
_______
Now — I don’t necessarily expect for a complete cure for the HI-Virus to arrive for several decades; but, I do believe that, in time, some significant innovations in testing will come around.
Testing, that can reveal the presence of Undesired Organisms in one’s body within 8 hours of their introduction into the system.
Testing, that will also be inexpensive — like, $5•a•pop.
Better yet: I look forward to the kind of technology that can allow for autonomous self-diagnosing — “real-time monitoring,” I believe I want to say.
Howzabout..
..when that is available, you-all then can brag about your faith in your fellow man.
Yeah?
Pick up, hook up, one niter, or found the fucker on MH or Gay.com, or other pick and fuck site…CONDOM…if he and I are in a relationship for a time…raw bareback fucking sex man…are you trying to tell me that the hetero str8’s use a condom while in a LTR, or maried folks use a condom every time if they arent in the mood to pro-create…Jesus, Mary and Joseph let’s be real…and for you gay buds out there that have never fucked a twat…let me tell you there is a hell of alot of nasty fuckin’ shit that comes out of that hole…OMG help us all…
Are we talking about the possibility of contracting STD’s, STI’s and HIV? Or just the lone subject of bareback sex?
According to my primary care physician, if a couple is in a very closed and monogamous relationship, then barebacking and taking each others’ loads is cool.
I LOVE WATCHING BB PORN!
We’re all adults here. Each of us has to make our own decisions and live with the consequences. Life is full of risks…each with rewards or negative consequences. Take care of yourself first because you can’t blame anyone for your choices but you.
My two cents, if married heterosexuals can do it, why can’t committed homosexual couples? What’s the difference? In every country but the US, HIV is a heterosexual disease, not a homosexual one. And this year, the heterosexual diagnosis tied the homosexual ones. So why can’t we if we are committed to each other?
@tam is an ass: Where is he? I’ve been waiting for him to come back. All I see are the posts by tamll alays be with us. Do you think that’s him?
Oh quit being a pompous ass, Don. Trying to justify the dirtiness of gay sex by equalizing that with vaginal sex is not proving anything. There is no one-upsmanship here on who is dirtier…think about it the next time your dick is covered in doo-doo….that is, unless you are the non-douching tootsie-roll dispensing bottom.
My boyfriend and I bareback. We haven’t been together for very long, but we’re aiming at the marriage (hopefully legal someday) term. We’re both not the hooking up type. Just physical (no emotional connection) doesn’t do it for either of us.
But we understand that no one is perfect. So while neither of us will do it on purpose, we made an agreement to tell right away if one of us cheats. And we both would be more upset if it was kept a secret than the fact that one of us cheated.
And yeah, I understand that there will be poop involved, but that’s why we both clean before and after, and just take care of ourselves in general. At least that’s my understanding of it.
Well, I guess GET REAL is right about one point: not everyone can be trusted, no matter how we idealize it. But on the other hand, u can’t move on without trusting people.
My boyfriend and I had an agreement. If it ever came the day when we fucked other people…the other one should know. It’s about safety, trust and being fair.
So…Your colleague at work, your family, your best friend…they’ve all earned some kind of trust from u. Some, though, might (and will) take it for granted. So what we do is believe in them and hope for the best. Faith.
I agree with M. I think that condoms are a very effective and appropriate part of a healthy sex life, if that life involves sex with people you dont see on a day to day basis, or for one night stands. You just never know who’s been where and done what with whom. But I believe that if a couple are committed, even if they have been through some rough uncommitted times, as long as both partners are honest and open and tested free of danger that bareback is completely acceptable; in fact the vast majority of people that I have talked to wouldn’t even consider a condom in their marriage/relationship, because it wasn’t necessary in their opinion, and a few even went on to say that if condoms were introduced it would create a feeling of question and insecurity about the partner. Why is a condom necessary when both partners are trusting and free of disease? To me wearing a condom within the sexual goings on of a committed relationship is meaningless and lessens the personal bond between the two partners. I love to feel a guy inside me; the skin on skin of bareback excites me in a way that not condom could ever come close to. For me the passion would be severely lessened, even deadened if my guy were to WANT to wear a condom all the time, and I would lose interest in the one thing that brings me the closest to him…
YES!