If a supposedly straight man wants to have a threesome with his female partner and another man, does that mean he's actually gay? I raise this question after watching Margaret Cho's Beautiful. The self-proclaimed queer comedian makes a joke about "dick training wheels" and guys who use their girlfriends to safely explore their sexuality.
I've always been confused by Cho's ability to shatter certain preconceptions while simultaneously perpetuating other stereotypes, but I let it slide because I recognize that her heart is in the right place. It also helps that she's pretty damn funny. With that said, her statements about MMF threesomes left me pretty baffled. How does someone so vocal about her own sexual fluidity criticize other people for experimenting?
But that's not the point here. Let's put this into perspective, eh? A female friend comes to ask you for advice. While traveling in Florida with her husband, they engaged in a sexy hot tub escapade with a muscular, sexually adventurous hottie. After giving her a bit of oral pleasure, the third party started slurping on her husband's man meat. This surprised her, but she was even more surprised to see that her man didn't flinch an inch. Now she's worried he's gay. What advice do you give her?
Now let's look at this another way. If your partner suggested having a threesome with a woman, would you think he's straight? So many questions!
– Dewitt
I think it makes him whatever he wants to classify himself as. I recently had a foursome involving a woman, it was my first time doing anything sexual with a female and I had a great time. Everything functioned perfectly. Afterwards, I still consider myself to a be a gay male, not bi, not straight.
People should have the right to classify their sexual identity for themselves and have that respected by society at large.
why put labels on things at all? By placing a label, we’re closing ourselves off to so many experiences !
I think that exploration is exploration…
In the right setting and the right frame of mind many people with try many things…its only in this country that we seem to have to need to “exactly” define everyone’s sexuality.
If people in general, and us gays especailly didn’t seem to demand an exact defintion of sexuality, and the media didn’t spend so much of their time witch hunting gay, bi, and lesbian celebrities, “MAYBE” so many curious man and women wouldn’t be so uptight about some of this exploration.
Just that fact that we “all” seem to question someone’s sexuality because of who they are seen with, where they are seen, and what they are doing, underminds exploration for many people.
The “real” fear of being “defined” as gay scares many men away from some fun lighthearted play with another man. You know there still is this thing called “fag bashing” and no one wants to have to experience that.
If we weren’t so ready to deem someone gay for a fling, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to a lot of people.
I do have a little fetish about straight guy first times and tell them my definition of gay, is if you are in a room with an attractive man and and attractive woman and would choose the man over half the time, then you’re probably gay…LOL!
The bottom line of this scenario (and most of these comments) is that most human beings are, in fact, bi – but since there is no ‘bi’ community, we only get to ‘belong’ to the straight or gay world. This is a disservice to 90% of humanity. We are capable of expressing ourselves sexually with same- and opposite-sex partners all the time. If we enjoy it more with same sex, we can label ourselves gay and those who enjoy it more with the opposite sex can label themselves straight but it doesn’t make it so. The vast majority of us are somewhere in the middle. The worst part is the shame of (from both sides) creates much of the anxiety in the world (and may even be the root cause of warmongers who can’t figure out what to do with their raging hormones because they are actually bi and unexpressed). So they just kill people instead. Too bad they didn’t just jump on manhunt or find a fourway in a hot tub. Here’s to a safer world through fucking!
MMF is different than MFM
the former implies MM play
the latter however does not
Wow, Dewitt. Way to be stuck in binary. Kinsey’s concept of a continuum still hasn’t caught on, huh?
Thanks Dann for your concise explanation…I just wish it werent so hard for the majority of people to understand. I’ve tried to explain this to both gay and straight people before, and in my experience the majority of both just don’t get it because we’re raised with this “you have to be one or the other” mentality.
As a gay man, I relish the thought of one day fulfilling the fantasy to have sex with a man AND woman at the same time. For me it’s about experience, exploration and interest in a new form of expression; open and free. Yet I don’t (or haven’t as yet)desire sex with a woman in a one-on-one situation. I don’t consider any of this makes me less gay, or remotely bisexual – just an open, willing and sexual being, who happens to be gay, gay, gay.