When a guy tells you they're "straight-acting", do you become aroused or think he's a total wanker? If you have the latter response, would you turn him down if he invited you over? I've noticed that people have some strong feelings about this phrase, so I figured we should engage in a little dialogue over the matter.
Personally, I find this designation to be a little disturbing. It basically states that there are two ways to act–straight or gay (with the implication that gayness is inferior). Just because someone has tickets to see Britney and drinks fruity cocktails, they shouldn't be made to feel like a lesser being when standing next to a guy who plays football and funnels beers. Plus, I know straight dudes who are more flamboyant and effeminate than the majority of gay men in my life. That doesn't mean they like pussy any less than the next guy.
While I can understand why someone might use the term "straight-acting", particularly if they're frustrated by an inability to identify with mainstream gay culture… I'd prefer they say something like, "I'm just a masculine guy who happens to like getting fucked hard in the ass." Because in my experience, most straight-acting guys like getting fucked hard in the ass. Just sayin'. I'm not offended enough by the phrase to turn down a good cocksucker!
– Dewitt
Photo credit: Flickr
Not a fan of the term “straight-acting”. If you use it, you are ignorant. You would be wise to look for a “masculine” man instead. Because if he’s straight, he doesn’t want YOU!
I hate the term because it implies that being gay and having straight mannerisms is fake, or an act. Masculine does a much better job of describing non-flamer men…
Somewhere along the way fags have gotton mighty homophobic to have such an attraction to ‘straight acting’.
In reality, I just don’t think they have the guts to come out and admit they’re gay, so they wanna hang with guys who aren’t obviously gay.
To me someone who says that they are straight “acting” they are doing just that… ACTING.
I think masculine is ok. It’s a lot better sounding.
Honestly the term straight acting is a major turn off.
Straight acting in personal adds is not offensive..”no blacks, or asians”..Is!
straight acting is offensive. An more often than not, self proclaimed straight acting guys are pretty nellie when you meet them in person. they have some internalized delusion and self hate.
I’m man enough to hang out with butch dudes or sissies in public.
I just laugh when a guy who wants to suck cock describes himself as “straight acting.” Sucking cock is about the most gay “action” you can do.
I am very masculine but I it is such a non-issue that I could never look down at guys that are feminine or anywhere in the middle. There is a sexiness that come along with the self confidence it takes to know and accept yourself. I’ve topped my share of masc and fem guys, but as long as they are happy with their part and aren’t playing (straight- ACTING) games, we all have a good time.
The better term is “masculine”. However, so many guys mean athletic or muscular when they use “masculine”. Straight-acting is definitely a buzz word and really purveys negativity. A guy is not “acting straight” when he’s sucking a dick or otherwise engaged sexually with another male!
As soon as I see “straight acting” listed as a guys attributes I instantly assume he VERY insecure about something, usually being gay. Some of my biggest disappointments in the bedroom have come from self proclaimed “straight acting” guys. And honestly how “straight acting” do they think they are when they’re slobbering all over your cock?
I welcome everyone to my blog on this very subject:
http://masculinegayguys.blogspot.com
Check it out!
To start with, I’d like to applaud this topic. This is the first time I have actually seen an inteligent thought provoking topic listed on this site. While I realize that this is a site geared towards more frivolous topics like “Who do you think has a bigger cock, Batman or Superman?” it would be nice to see a few more topics that are actually worthy of a discussion.
As far as the topic at hand….
Although I’m not turned off or insulted by the term “straight acting”, I think it does give you a lot of insight to the type of person using the term, and I dont mean their mannerisms. I think it does imply some level of subconciously suggesting that being gay is inferior. While I dont give it much thought, I’d say that on a subconcious level, I automatically assume that someone using that term is uncomfortable around gay people, is judgemental towards those who are less masculine, and has not fully come to terms with their own sexuality. This means that they might be good for random hookups, but are not really ready for a relationship with another man. However, I do not have the same reaction to someone who refers to themselves as masculine, or who describes the kind of guy the are in masculine terms.
I do have a problem with the whole “straight acting” thing, and it is a turn off. I like a man who accepts the fact that he is a cock sucker, and doesnt give a fuck what people think. That gets my dick hard. Not some pussy ass straight wannabe who thinks by stating he is “straight acting” on a gay hook up site to feel more superior or somewhat less gay than a boah wearing, madonna loving, glitter spritzing homo stereotype, that guys are so afraid of being associated with just so they don’t have to realize that they too are just the same. It just shows how comfortable a guy is with is sexuality. I mean I get what is meant by the term, they just need to find a different way of saying they are masculine, or a manly man. I think this more has to do with societies hang ups on gender roles. Men have to do what our society deems manly. and woman have to do things deemed feminine. It doesnt have anything to do with homosexuality. Soceity has sort of lumped homosexuality with anything that go against set gender roles. Boys playing with dolls= gay. It also is more focused on men, than woman. a little girl who wants to play football= aww how cute is that!. ehh i am off topic now, but not really haha.
I’m a man. I detest ‘labeling’. I’ll Fuck or Suck anyone I’d like. I don’t care what anyone thinks. How’s that for a label?
How comes nobody advertises himself as “gay-acting”?
Straight acting is nothing more than ACTING. the whole new straight with a gf BUT CURIOUS thing pisses me off too. those guys are always the biggest bottoms !! I wonder how their “girlfriends” react when she gets him in bed and he lays on his stomach with his ass in the air. if youre gay youre gay. be happy. be proud. quit the shit and just be you.
I’m glad to find that ‘they’ write they’re “straight-acting” and/or looking for similar, then I know what kind of person they are and I dont waste my time. How one uses certain terminology in sentences can show a persons character and background.
fake & stupid. especially the ‘acting’ part of it.
masculine is way better.
I find it really odd that many gay people all have the same hobbies (pop music, fashion, singing), and while I do not use the term “straight acting”, I still describe myself as not gay-acting, because I have nothing in common with the gay culture, aside from my orientation.
Sexual orientation is just that: a sexual orientation. It doesn’t come with a dress code or list of hobbies or music you have to like in order to qualify. Somewhere along the line, many gay people have all become walking stereotypes: I just don’t understand the logic behind any of it.
Let’s put it this way: “gay” and “straight” are not really terms for sexual orientation; they are stereotype descriptors. No one claims to be “heterosexual-acting”. And why would anyone need to say they’re “gay-acting”? It’s either assumed, since we’re on a homosexual hookup site, or pretty damn obvious in person.
I think those of us coming from particularly conservative backgrounds can be a bit sensitive about the term “gay”: if there is any subconscious sense of inferiority it is perhaps more a personal fear of being rejected or considered inferior by others than an assignation of inferiority to fellow bi- or homosexuals.
I don’t find it offensive, though i agree that it may belie certain insecurities. Males are indeed under a good bit of pressure, particularly in American society, to fit neatly into a Patriarchal role. Depending on your perceptual set, any term that explicitly separates those who – more or less appear to fit that role – from the rest could be negative to the rest. Personally, i could go both ways with the term (like most things). Embrace a little verbal diversity? But then, i’m not into “gay-acting” guys.
whenever I hear that term I’m reminded of Harold’s line from Boys In The Band: “you’re just a homosexual and you don’t want to be.” No matter how masculine your demeanor, if you like to suck cock, take it up the ass, or do anything else sexually with a guy, that is not “straight acting.”
I agree, masculine is better. Straight acting pffft, then how come they still suck dick? I agree with everyones idea that “masculine” sounds better. Oh well, that is our community, gotta love it.
I can’t stand it and I would turn a guy down if that’s how he described himself. I’m pretty turned off by the term “masculine” too. I think it’s just become a euphemism for “straight-acting.” Also, by who’s definition are you masculine? Because you wear Abercrombie, you’re “masculine?” I live in San Francisco and I run into these types all the time. To me, if you feel the need to describe yourself in such a way, you are harming your own people, who are probably the reason gays can be as open as they are now (it’s not the straight-acting fellas that are activists) and perpetuating the idea that deviating from oppression, because natural predisposition, is actually inferior to your conforming. It also tells me that the guy is somewhat ignorant, insecure, and is trying too hard.
Here’s the thing. I will admit I’m am still rather closeted, but I do describe myself as straight acting.
The problem with this is that acting is viewed as two ways.
Fake acting like that seen on TV shows and movies by actors.
Or just a different use of the word “Action”
Despite what we think, People are what we do, how we take Action in life.
Sexual Attraction to the same sex is the only requirement to be a homosexual.
The Term Gay unfortunately doesn’t have that single requirement. Instead you get the fem boys, drag queens, and every stereotype out there.
While not all stereotypes are true, there has to be a significant foundation for the stereotype to come about at all. And as far as Gay people go, the steroetype breeds more then breeders. I have been to countless gay bars/clubs and I feel more comfortable in a straight bar. Its like playing duck, duck, goose. Think of the Ducks as the stereotypical gay guys, and the goose’s as non-stereotypical gay guys.
Walk into most any gay bar, and you’ll have at least 20 ducks before you encounter a goose.
The gay community just seems to if anything embrace the stereotype which makes it even harder for those who don’t conform to it. Even harder for us who want to come out, but don’t want to be associated with all the baggage that being “Gay” comes with.
For guys like me, most people have no clue we are gay. I rock out to Disturbed while drinking a Coors Light. Those “actions” I take in life are what one would associate with a straight person. Now drinking a Cosmopolitan while listening to Beyonce or Madonna would much more be associated as an action a Gay man would take. And if you walk into a gay bar, you see proof of that over and over.
So since our actions are what one would associate as that of a straight guy, we use the term “Straight acting,” because all of our actions are what you would associate with a straight guy. We’re not acting in the fake sense, these are just the actions we take in life.
I think it is more of a visual way of describing yourself. You may see a guy who drinks beer and parties hardcore and by ‘judging a book by its cover”, some would say he is straight acting. Where as if you see a guy wearing a rainbow shirt and purple pants, he is gay acting. It may sound stereotypical, but that is because most guys use the term in that way.
Someday, hopefully, we can just be gay as a matter of fact thing (flamer or butch), and not be ashamed of it and hide. It’s startling how many guys stay in the closet well into their 30’s or 40’s or long … even today.
Rob, I’m sorry but there’s so very much wrong with that thought process. Gay and straight ARE equivalent to homo and heterosexual. Just because YOU are buying into the stereotypes doesn’t negate that. You want to distance from the stereotype? Then admit you’re gay and make it clear to people that, shock and awe, we come in all flavors.
As to “straight acting” I actually typed out a semi-long rant about it a couple weeks ago. The short of it is that it’s phobic, sexist, ignorant, problematic and damaging in a whole ton of ways. I read it on a guy’s profile and, combined with the things surrounding it, I’m more often than not tempted to message them and call them out on it. I’ve yet to do so, despite certain guys pushing it to a scary degree.
Anyone heard of the “g0y” movement? Now ok, straight-acting is pretty bad but these guys? They’ve redefined insecurity.
Hopefully there’s not a character limit for this (I’m copy/pasting) and, for the record, no this isn’t a polished work or anything. It’s a rant, with all the twitchy, frustrated, redundant attitude that comes with such a thing. Enjoy:
“Straight Acting”
Let’s face it: In American culture, men are expected to be men and women are expected to be women. What this actually means is that men are expected to be masculine, and women are expected to be feminine. Gender roles are reinforced even by those in the relationships that would otherwise defy them: same-sex couples. A common phrase amongst gay men is that someone is “straight acting”. A “straight acting” man is someone who ‘passes’ for heterosexual and doesn’t fit the traditional stereotypes of gay men. He’s masculine, loves football, drinks beer with the guys, wears jeans and a sweatshirt, etc.
There is a certain level of controversy surrounding this term though, and for good reason. Identifying as “straight acting” breeds a number of problems and questions. What does being straight acting mean? By extension, what does it mean to act gay? Does this not reveal a certain extent of insecurity about one’s own sexuality? What about internalized homophobia and sexism?
In the most honest reality the only true and universal difference between gay men and straight men is the sex they are sexually/romantically drawn to. That’s it. So what does that make a ‘straight acting’ gay man, aside from potentially suffering from multiple personalities that is? Larry Craig and Ted Haggard? Fixing a car (falling onto the masculine end of the spectrum) does not make someone any less gay than listening to Cher makes someone gayer. What these men are doing, whether consciously or not, is distancing themselves from what they perceive as gay which, in their eyes, is also feminine. They believe in the stereotypes seen in the media and, through identifying as ‘straight acting’, they make that conscious effort to be seen as masculine, as straight, and as ‘normal’.
In the same vein as those who are ‘straight-acting’ are the gay men who, regardless of their own degree of masculinity, display significant dislike or even outright hatred of feminine gay men. Phrases like “I’m gay because I like guys” and “If I wanted a girl, I’d be straight” are, sadly, not uncommon. What they are though is telling of where the core problem lies: Gender roles. Men are, traditionally, meant to be masculine while women, as their opposite, are meant to be feminine. Because of this there is a certain mindset amongst men that associates feminine behavior in themselves and/or other men as an inversion of how things ‘should’ be and, as such, a problem that must be shunned. Being a woman is seen as a step down from being a man. To act like a woman, or to be treated like a woman is distressing if not deeply insulting to these men, generally speaking. Gay men however have more often than not been stereotyped as feminine which has lead to links being formed between straight-identification with masculinity and gay-identification with femininity. There is a need to place distance between one’s self and anything feminine which means also distancing themselves from what they consider being gay to mean.
The problem with ‘straight acting’ as an identification is multi-fold. It reinforces stereotypes of both gay and straight men, it stigmatizes femininity and feminine men especially, it idealizes a heterosexual ‘copy’ and reinforces the hierarchy of straight being somehow better than gay. It’s subtle but not ignorable. The stereotype reinforcement leaves young gay men with the belief that being gay means being feminine. This has pros and cons in itself. For gay men that are feminine it is something of a non-issue which is beneficial for them. For those that aren’t though they are left wondering where they fit in. They aren’t that, so they can’t be gay, so what are they? This affects heterosexual men just as heavily. If they are not 100% masculine, their sexual identity is called into question. Those who don’t fit the stereotype are face similar if not the same problems as those who actually are gay. Enforcing “men must be masculine” as an ideal leaves feminine men out in the cold and open to harassment from homosexual men in addition to heterosexual men. They are othered twice over. First from the majority, and then from the subgroup they were initially othered along with. Part of the beauty in the LGBTQ community is the diversity in all possible forms that exists. Part of the horror of the LGBTQ community is that a great many within it seek to cram that diversity under the rug so that the community can pass for straight and ‘normal’. “Keep it to the bedroom”, “don’t be flamboyant”, “act like a hetero” and similar thoughts appear as a way of trying to avoid ‘making waves’ and to, essentially, suck up to those in the heterosexual world who would condemn LGBTQ persons for their differences. By idealizing the ‘passing’ form, we lose the ability to stand up as a group. How can you fight for the rights of something that, for all intents and purposes is invisible and silent? The final point, about ‘straight acting’ reinforcing that heterosexuality is to be glorified over homosexuality, writes itself. If being a ‘straight acting’ gay is better than the average gay, then being straight is better than being gay. If appearing straight is toted as important and as an ideal, then appearing as anything else is stigmatized.
Identifying one’s self as masculine is innocent in essence. It, as stated, is merely a commentary one where one believes they fall on the masculine/feminine scale. “Straight acting” as an identity is something far more complicated and sinister. The concept of ‘straight acting’ does FAR more damage to the gay community than any ‘flaming’ person, save perhaps Perez Hilton, EVER could.
Just as a start off, Iam straight acting and I like dating other straight acting guys. There is nothing wrong with that. To be gay does not mean you have to be flamboyant. It is more of a personal preference than a cover-up on a community. Im very comfortable on my sexuality and everyone knows that Iam gay. But it is very unfortunately that every qeen out there want every gayman to be just like him. SOme of us tend to be straight acting and the rest can be whatever. To be gay it is not like to join a religion that everyone has to conform with the creed. If you wanna be a queen go ahead, but I choose to be straight acting. I can get laid all the time, some guys digs a straight acting guy.
Ok people let’s face it. The majority of gay culture says that to be out and proud means to be a flag waving, pink shirt wearing, fashionable, and more often than not effeminate guy. I don’t personally use the term straight-acting, I do use masculine but honestly I never put that much thought into before now. Personally if you would force me into a classification I would be considered bisexual, because I simply follow my heart and at times that has been girls and right now it is my bf. But like D.L. Hughley says in his stand-up “Unapologetic,” “It’s not what your called it’s what you answer too.” Reading everyones entries made me actually think about it. I like Rob don’t like to go to gay bars cause you hear the “gay-themed” music with as much pink and as many rainbows that can fit into a place without looking overly tacky. It is a bit annoying to me when I do get dragged to one of these clubs cause it’s hard to find a masculine one in the bunch. So let’s face it’s not all of us are ready to be on the front line loud and proud when the stereotype is actual pretty close to the norm. Yes, you can but educating people starts one person at a time and while they are a good many of us who are masculine/straight-acting which ever one prefers. When the the stereotypical norm is seen so often it’s hard to convince people otherwise, trust me I know.
Now I am also a black man to throw this out there and I am smart, I speak well, I care about school and don’t have to curse every other word to get my point across, yet when people see me that’s probably not one of the first things you would think. I already get looked at in black culture as “acting white” because I do act in the aforementioned way. This is does bug me because it means that by not acting the stereotype which is by majority the norm I am somehow less black.
So back to my point, I have gay friends that look at me in similar ways because I’m not out there fighting for the cause. I am somehow less gay because I live my life by what popular society would call straight with the exception that I like to fuck guys. So if you want the term straight-acting to disappear we need to first get rid of the stereotypical gay person in the media and begin portraying ourselves more as the individuals we are, but until that time get off your high horse, say f*ck you to labels and live your life whatever way you want too and everything else will slowly fall into place.
It’s really amusing to sit back and watch the closet cases fall all over themselves trying to defend their use of “straight acting” as a term.
The term means “acting like a straight man”. The closet boys, by their own example, already are admitting–heck, bragging–that homosexuals come in a range of behavioral types, flamboyant and not.
So, if social behavior doesn’t distinguish what we mean by “gay” and “straight”, then we have to fall back on their obvious meanings–the only possible meaning of “acting like a straight man” is “having sex with women”. Presumably, then, all these “straight acting” gay men are having sex with women.
Rob’s tortured “well, that’s what you see in a gay bar” explanation is so silly it’s almost not worth remarking on except for how sad it is. He’s so intent on showing that he’s not a duck that he ignores the fact that the “goose”, by his very nature, is no more “straight acting” than anyone else. Put that goose in bed with a hot man and what he does–his “acting”–will be as “gay” as can be. And more importantly, the bigots out there who hate gays are going to hate him just as much as they hate the drag queens – because to them, ANYONE, masculine or nelly, who sucks dick or fucks ass or gets fucked is a godless pervert who ought to be arrested, deported or shot.
Nobody’s saying you have to be attracted to flamboyant or nelly. You can like tall men, masculine men, short men, nelly men, redheads, Asians, uncut men, men with scars, or cross-eyed knock-kneed bowlers in Mensa, for all I care. But please, spare us the pious “I’m just not like THOSE people” speeches and especially the “I’d love to come out but I don’t want people thinking I’m like THAT” ones.
People “like THAT” are the ones fighting the battles that make it legal for you to go to that gay bar without fear of it being raided and your name run in the newspaper as a pervert. If you don’t want that baggage, then come out and show the world that we come in all kinds – and until you do, sit down, shut the fuck up, and stop bitching about people who have done more for you than you’ll ever do for them.
i mean, it seems really simple to _me_:
if you’re really acting like you’re “straight,” then you will not even be reading These Posts, here.
you wouldn’t be on a site like Man Hunt, because straight men, b.k.a. “heterosexual men,” have no business being here.
or, more explicitly, You would have no business being here, because you’d have no interest in the sexual affairs of other males.
(that’s one of the normal ways in which Heterosexuals comport themselves.)
so, yeah.
the term you look for is “masculine,” if you do not seek effeminate, feminine, or hyper-feminine males.
(or if you just happen to be one of those “ones” who isn’t enchanted with the so-called “Mainstream Gay Culture,” and do not seek individuals who are embroiled in it to a significant, or significantly noticeäble, degree, irregarding level of Masculinity or non-Masculinity, then just come out and say that.)
although, yeah, as Kevin M said: more often than not, it is the [stand-out] gays who fight the battles that the more quiet of us usually don’t want to take part in.
so, it would be wise to be tactful in how you phrase your words.
you never know when it might be a “queen” who comes to your rescue/defense, when no masculine homosexual dude has the guts to step up to the plate: which would thereby make it known, implicitly, that he too likes Cock Sandwiches.
(i need to know where you found That Photo from, by the way, dewitt.
it is Pure Comedy.
{they’re “Superman” all right.
l.o.l.})
I honest don’t care for the term Straight-acting myself, if your masc. I’d prefer people to just say that. Straight-acting pretty much means you aren’t being true to who you really are out of fear, and insecurity. Most of these types of men in my experience tend to be very egotistical, close-minded and only surround themselves with guys like themselves, even as friends. Anything that is different they frown on. Unfortunately for me being an out Black Gay Man, in the Midwest, “straight-acting” seems to be the majority, it doesn’t leave much room for meeting good people if you don’t fit the norm. It’s hard enough deal with racism but you be put down by the people in your own community. It’s not that much different than the straight people who hate us.
the TERMS are unnecessary (sp), but there is nothing straight acting about taking it in the mouth and ass…. END OF STORY.
I personally think it IS insulting to use that term or define a person by “mannerisms”. Don’t we have enought trouble with BREEDERS (straight people) giving us labels? why are we doing it within our own community? i may be 26, but come on now…..
This debate will go on to eternity.
Before all flames fired towards me, we need to agree in few terms here: what it is to be gay socially and sexually, what are characteristics of a gay man, and lastly, what is the gay spectrum, and how wide does its bands stretch? (if you put a gay man in the test, where is he going to score).
Some could be closetet, open, flamobyant, queens,cd, masculine, fem, cd,bitchy, etc.
It is not fair force every gayman to be on the same bandwidth, everyone acts upon his personalities and social backgrounds. Divisions exists in evey subculture and it is what puts a balance (socially and politically) on the same time pushes progress within particular subculture.
Yes, you can be who you wants to be (it is not that you choose due to the peer pressure) but rather it is a progress starts fueled by your level of intelligence, personalities, social backgrounds, social-economics and more inportant your mental perception of preferential selection of sexual partners,sexual attraction and affection.
In simple english: Not All Gay Men Where Created(or Engineered) Equal
I think the summary/backlash is that ‘straight acting’ guys seem perfectly happy to hide and pretend they are not gay and are likely open to join forces with the anti-gays out there, pushing back the rights for equality and freedom (all the while, sucking cock on the DL).
@tresqboy:
“To be gay does not mean you have to be flamboyant.”
You say this, yet you ignore it yourself. If being gay doesn’t mean that then how are you any less ‘gay acting’ simply because you aren’t a flame? How, by not being the stereotype, are you suddenly ‘straight acting’?
Short answer? You’re not. Are you attracted to men and act upon that? Then you’re not straight acting. At most you’re “bi-acting”. Get over it, and stop pretending it’s a bad thing.
This kind of reminded me of the Tyra talk show debate a while ago about gay for pay porn stars. And a large consensus for that debate was bottoming doesn’t make you any more gay than topping does and Tyra was very offensive for thinking that. As well, some thought you could be straight and work in gay porn since being homosexual means being both sexually and emotionally attracted to men.
It seems a little weird to me now that a good portion of comments are leaning toward taking it up the ass or sucking cock is the gayest thing that you can do, implying bottoms are gayer than tops. This stigma can be fairly intimidating especially when you’re in the closet. You play football and knock back beers, yet you’re gayer than Elton John because you like to bottom.
Now I’m not trying to say there is anything wrong with the flamboyant ones, quite the contrary, as they’re usually leading the fight. I just personally find it offensive when someone refers to me as “gurl” or “miss thang” after finding out I’m gay. I never was, never will be, nor ever want to be a woman and don’t like being addressed as one.
I’m an avid baseball fan, drink bud or whiskey, don’t have a lisp or limp wrist, and pass for “straight” easily, so I would consider myself straight appearing. I would consider the word masculine a much more appropriate and less offensive label than straight acting, but the problem is I’m of a slim build.
As a good chunk of men here have commented on daily wood, this Manhunt not Boyhunt implying men, the definition of masculinity means large, either muscular, stocky, or beefy in some way. Them and probably a few others would agree masculine wouldn’t be a fitting descriptive for me since I would be a twink by most standards or perhaps an otter since I’m slightly hairy.
So I guess my question really is, what would be a good way to describe me since I would get just as much hate for using the word masculine, since slim automatically means woman, for using the word straight-acting?
Say what you want, but all I ask is put a little more explanation into your response than “wake up and smell the coffee, you’re a flaming queen.”
screw all that.
“masculine” has nothing to do with body type.
it has to do with Mannerisms/Behaviour, first, and then æsthetic-presentation (“do I like to adorn myself in things that, at least in this particular society, is most closely associated with Females?”), second.
don’t let those chumps out there in Manhunt World make you believe otherwise, Lost.
as has been noted earlier, Femininity isn’t restricted to just gay males — much in the same way, Masculinity (or, i might also say, “nominal/neutral comportment”) isn’t restricted to just gay females.
as for the actual definition of “homosexual”/”gay”: rightfully, it should mean “actively seeks sexual relations with same gender, _or_ with individual(s) who appear(s) to be of same gender.”
Period.
(i need only mention “Buck Angel,” to make my point, here.)
it would have nothing to do with what is “the most `gay´ sexual act.”
if a total, non-assuming stranger walks up and sees one dude sucking off another dude in an alley, he will assume they’re both gay.
especially if this is the third time in 4 days he’d seen this happening.
as fluid/non-consistent as Human Sexuality is, a truly Straight Male would still find a way to his rocks off with a female.
somehow, some way.
if I were straight, it would never occur to me to be “gay for pay.” i wouldn’t care if “the money is better.”
I just think it’s important to recognize the difference between being defined by a term, and using a term to describe oneself, or what one is attracted to in a guy.
I’m attracted to so-called “straight-acting” guys, and I don’t appreciate being villified for it. If it hurts your feelings that I’m not attracted to you because of some aspect of your personality… that’s on you, not on me.
What I don’t get about gay men is why we’re so fucking judgmental. Who cares if a guy refers to himself as “straight acting”? If he wants to walk around with a propeller in his ass and call himself an airplane, what should it matter to you? I think this every time someone gets down on a guy who identifies as “str8t” and we go off… “You’re not straight if you like taking cock up the ass!” we yell. Its fucking ridiculous. The same is true for correcting the grammar or spelling in other people’s post. Its adolescent and petty – a way of saying, “look at me – I know the difference between their, they’re and there…” (By the way, a straight acting man wouldn’t do that – joke, people!)
A man who uses the term “straight acting” is obviously trying to convey something about himself – that his way of being is indistinguishable from other men you’d meet and assume were straight. That’s all. Did he say straight was better than gay? No. We are the ones who read that into it. As other writers have pointed out, a term like “straight acting” wouldn’t be necessary if “gay acting” didn’t already mean something.
WOA, hold on a minute… I do have my own issues with the term “straight-acting”, but after reading the responses here, I feel like I should stand on their side. There has been so much defensiveness, judgment, hatred and discrimination thrown toward them. Basically I’m seeing: “If you call yourself straight-acting, you must be closeted, self-hating, homophobic, and an enemy of the rest of us [presumably gay-acting gays].” Wow, really? Who said so? Certainly some of them might be that way, but to make that blanket statement is just ignorant. Are you implying that any self-accepting gay man must act feminine or “stereotypically gay”? Seems like YOU are more obsessed and prisoned by the stereotypes than THEY (“straight-acting” folks) are.
Personally, I’ve never fully understood why many gay men follow certain stereotypes, and I’m not attracted to them either. I have no problem with them living their lives however they want, but for me, I am attracted to – dare I say – masculine men. Not macho men (that straight testosterone stuff is a major turn-off), but also not flamboyant/bitchy/”fabulous” men. To get mathematical for a moment, I would rate myself 5 or 6 on the masculinity scale, and I am the most attracted to men who are 6,7,8.
“Masculine” might sound better than “straight-acting” but that’s just a red herring. If all appearances of “straight-acting” are replaced by “masculine”, many of you would still have the same bone to pick. Now, whose bone is it, yours or theirs?
those who’d have a problem with another person’s proclaiming that he [prefers the company of] masculine, or “Butcher,” fellas would, most likely, be the not-masculine acting individuals who’re incorrectly dealing with their disappointment that the guy they’re lusting after, most likely, would have no interest in engaging an act of sexual congress with them.
(for the sake of our convenience, i’ll use “masculine” to generally refer to the spectrum of mannerism that ranges from “neutral” all the way up {or “down,” depending on your own opinion} to Hyper Masculine — a.k.a, “butch.”)
so, The Bone would be set with the “affected” readers, this time — not the author.
it would not be reasonable for a masculine individual to have a gripe with another person’s making that statement of preference, as long as this statement had not been made at the detriment of the not-masculine.
a guy who believes he is of masculine-disposition can take offense with another person’s belittling the not-masculine..
..although one can’t necessarily assume it’s another person, who also believes he is masculine, who wrote the epithet.
as it is, i will stand by the most-appropriate definition of “straight-acting,” as it relates to the male gender: which is “acting how heterosexual males traditionally do.”
one is not acting “straight” when he has a cock in his mouth or, for that matter, when He *puts* a cock in another bloke’s cockhole.
That’s acting gay.
(“gay” is not to be automatically made synonymous with “not-masculine” or, as is more traditionally known as, “effeminate,” “feminine/feminine-acting,” or my favourite, “hyper-feminine.”)
not all who assert they’re “straight acting,” or state they only prefer the company of such, are self-loathing, or are future traitors; some just don’t know any better.
however, i still feel that it might be better if this term, as it has been traditionally used within the _gay_ and bi-sexual community, just dies out.
Adam.
it’s sorta like those guys who write the personal ADs which state, for example, they “seek straight guys to suck off.”
as far as I am aware, the current vast, _vast_ majority of self-identified heterosexual dudes can go for a lifetime without ever desiring, being the recipient of the oral services from another dude.
even Once.
what?
and you think your “straight guy” will only come to *you* when he “needs some relief”? what if he decides to try on other dudes’ mouths? will you still consider him “straight”? (I wouldn’t. even if he only ever acts as the “giver” and not receiver. the purest definition of “homosexual,” after all, is “seeks sexual relations with members of same gender, or from perceived Same Gender.”) if not.. ..will this guy still exude the same drawing power, as before?
it is also ignorant to think that we can live in a society where no one ever gets labeled; for that matter, SF Guy, it is also profoundly ignorant to think that we as humans shouldn’t ever (and, as it should also be said, “never _will_”) adversely judge other humans (which is what you implicitly did, with the words “so fucking judgmental”).
(what?
what kind of recourse would you want, then, if a drunken driver rammed into you, thereby paralyzing you for the rest of your life?)
your argument is flawed.
we Males, irrespective of gender preference, can range in mannerism from ultra-, disgustingly-butch to … super-fantastically feminine.
as far as i am aware, there are few naturally non-masculine males who are also heterosexual.
put more simply, “Nelly Breeder Men are rare.”
conversely, it _is_ more likely if a given male isn’t, at a minimum, neutral in his comportment, that he might not be heterosexual.
put in another way: how many times do you say to yourself, “that masculine-appearing dude sure does seem gay to me!”?
if a guy appears to be Masculine then, by default, you will typically assume he is not interested in sexual relations with another guy — although you are always free to wish that he does.
_that_ is why it is better, and more appropriate, to use “masculine.”
as a matter of fact.. ..now that i think about it, i can see why a gay man’s willingly, conscientiously asserting he is/seeks “straight acting” is indeed an extension of Homophobia.
internalized, but possibly unconscious, Homophobia.
and i can, Now more than Ever, see how there can be no such thing as a “straight-acting” gay, no matter how masculine he is.
but i’ve wrote enough by now.
i will challenge someone to refute me, impeccably, without resort to childish tactics.
SaintImpatience, I found it difficult to tell when you were quoting someone and sharing your own thoughts, so refuting your argument would be difficult. Second, you have a tendency to throw around the words “ignorant” when referring to other people – which strikes me as an unnecessary and to quote you, “childish tactic”. Sound arguments can stand on their own. At that point, you’ve moved from addressing the argument to demeaning the person.
Dewitt, I read a lot of your posts and I usually appreciate your point of view. But on this one, I’m disappointed that we’re basically attacking guys for the way they choose to describe themselves. There are no justifications that make this not uncool. We get all over the religious right for passing judgment and being hypocritical, only to do the same thing.
you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelette my man.
(and out of what has to be more than 500 words, i don’t think your evaluation of my having “a tendency” applies, quite.
as always, i stand by what I say, until/unless i am impeccably refuted.)
in reading the rest of your post, it sounds like you’re implicitly defending the use of “straight-acting.”
i’m not sure if you realize this, “just asking,” but, there is a good chance that such self-described, or such-seeking, individuals do things, themselves, that *hurt* our ability to be accepted in society; these individuals certainly aren’t helping the LGBT Cause.
(_this_ is what people like Dewitt, I, and others, are arguing. just skim these posts: note that the current majority are *against* It.)
at the very least, there is a possibility that if more members of Society, at large, are made to acknowledge that, in a lot of cases, the only real difference between Them and “The Others” is *just* sexual preference, there might be some amelioration in relations.
imagine how Life would be (or, more specifically, how many more people would be willing to “step outside `the box´”) if there wasn’t a stigma for being attracted to same sex/gender.
(p.s.: it doesn’t matter if i’m quoting myself or someone else.
and i quote heavily only because Manhunt currently doesn’t allow patrons to use XHTML/HTML; otherwise…..)
Prolly the term “straight acting” may sound offensive to the gay culture, for the sake of clarification, lets replace it with the term “masculine”.
My question is: would you guys still pass the judgement to “Masculine men” as you do to “Straight acting” ? In other words, does anyone here will have issues with the new category called “Masculine men”?
If you do, what are your personal attacks to the now called Masculine men?
Anyone wanna take a stand?
i can see no immediate issue with it, tresq.
if a given male is masculine, at least most of the time (as human beings, few of us will be 100% of anything, _all_ of the time), then that’s one of the labels he is entitled to wearing.
however..
..for the sake of my own edification (and potential Amusement), i would like to see other responses to this, if anyone else would still care to take it up, in this short-attention span kind of world.
i will make another challenge, for anyone to come up with reasonable denigrations to the “masculine male” title.
I feel this way, I gave up trying to act a certain way to get someone’s approval. I think i’am fine just the way I’am and if that’s not enough then we weren’t meant to be together. The world has way too many labels placed on everything, so why do that to yourself. Covering up who you really are can’t last for very long, you so called straight acting guys will slip up and lisp, or do something that someone else would consider gay acting. Would that be the end of life as we know it. I don’t think so.