The other day, I opened my inbox on a certain social networking site and discovered a message stating that one of my digi-friends had been diagnosed with genital herpes. This was some seriously Gossip Girl shit, because the notification did not come from the originally infected individual. There are two possible explanations for this message.
- The person referred to in the message gave someone herpes. That someone was so pissed off that they decided to send a message to every friend he had on the site as revenge and a warning to others.
- The person who sent out this message is pissed off at the guy referred to in the message. He decided to start a nasty rumor.
Upon further investigation, I discovered that the member who sent the message had either removed his profile or was suspended by a site administrator, thus enhancing my confusion.
And then I wondered (cue shot of Carrie Bradshaw's computer screen)… Is it tacky to notify people about someone's sexual health status through a social networking site? On one hand, you could be preventing someone from contracting something nasty. On the other hand, you're violating someone else's privacy. Let's discuss!
– Dewitt
If you don’t have the decency to disclose your sexual health status before putting someone at risk, you deserve it.
It’s plain tacky. I just ignore things like that.
I’m a grown adult and whether or not I WANT the responsibility of thinking about my immunity before my dick, I have it. So does everyone else.
I make smart sexual decisions which is why I’m healthy. Other people also make smart decisions and contract things. They aren’t irresponsible, they knowingly took a risk and the odds weren’t in their favor.
It was still their risk to take.
In this country we have laws against libel and slander to minimize harmful gossip.
Whether you feel someone “morally” should disclose their status, I think that’s a cop out for taking personal responsibility.
So, what are you telling us, that you have an STD? Or, that you’re so vapid and lacking of anything else to talk about that you’re actually trying to start a discussion of prank mail and spam?
So, UniversalPotentate, what happens when you make a specific inquiry and get lied to? Is that a cop out for taking personal responsibility?
Also, I don’t know what country you’re in, but truth is always a defense to libel/slander. So if the guy’s got the disease, there aint shit the law will do for him on that front.
As an long term hiv+ guy I have witnessed a lot of liars in the gay community concerning their health status.
Everyone does not have the right to know someone’s health status. BUT….the person being sexually involved with a poz, hep person DOES have the right to know!!! It is common decency and respect to be honest with others.
I had a bf in 1980 whom I was dating monogamously for 5 months. I caught gonorrhea from him. It stunned me for I was just out of hight school and the church and was going through a huge transition. The nurse at the clinic had to educate me on the facts of life and the fact that she and the clinic were very familiar with Greg my bf.
Turns out I was 1 of 6 guys who caught the disease from him. He was not being mongamous with me!
Sometimes in life when certain selfish people don’t get the “message” to be honest they have to get the message the hard way.
Now if someone is being vicious and spreading a rumor….technically that is grounds for a civil law suit and they can get into a whole lot of trouble. It only takes one time to face a judge in such a situation to “get the wake up call” and knock the crap off.
It’s very tacky, probably a nasty prank, and not necessary.
We’re all adults (some act less like adults than others, however) and make our own choices as to how, when, where and with whom we are going to have sex.
The smart thing to do is to simply assume everyone is a risk to you and make your own choice about how you go about protecting yourself or not. Don’t rely on your partner’s claims, and if he won’t go along with your chosen means of protecting yourself, show him the door.
Right, Fun4BBbears (I won’t even comment on the name), because condoms totally protect from genital herpes. /eyerolling.
I think it’s funny that people are sounding the horn of personal responsibility, yet seem to be applying it in a one-way fashion. It’s the personal responsibility of the person who catches it from someone, where the person who spread it escapes all responsibility.
If I had to hazard a guess, it would be that the people who are beating the drum of personal responsibility are one of the people you might catch something from.
I am HIV pos and remember telling a guy that I liked (and dated) this fact. HE on the other hand didnt tell me he had genital herpes until after I got back home. He lived in Philly. When he did tell me over the phone, I was pissed but he didnt see what he did wrong. Of course, I stopped dating him and never got Herpes. He said it was in remission but that doesnt mean sh*t. He didnt give me a choice, MY choice as I gave him about dating me with HIV.
So, I would say a person who has Anything should be responisble and tell a potential sex partner. Sad that many, str8 and gay, dont have this same mindset.
Individual accountability may sound like an archaic thought to those who scoff at any hint of moral responsibility. Sure everyone has a right to know, but how truthful will your tricks be in disclosing their health status? STD/AIDS education teaches us that first golden rule: to assume that all our sexual partners are exposed. Sure it’s a fear tactic, and often not 100% effective. But it also reinforces golden rule 2: that we truly do not know the sexual history of said trick/partner.
navymscle, the point is that the people who are shouting individual accountability the loudest are the ones who only see the accountability as applying to the person who catches, not transmits.
Sure, you have to assume that everyone is an exposure risk, but the fact of the matter remains that there is no such thing as 100% safe sex, and as much as we need to protect ourselves, if you want to completely protect, you should be celibate–but that’s not an acceptable solution for most.
Sadly, many people are not decent enough to be honest with their sexual partners.
I think it is tacky to email people like that. Yes, it is up to the person to let his partner know he has an STD. But let’s face it, not everyone is honest. Which of us has not been told and thought, “Hey, it’ll be ok, we’ll use a condom.” We all have to be vigilant and use caution. I hate to be pessimistic, but I have to think everyone has an STD that I can catch. I should know, I learned the hard way.
quite honestly, LikeItIs has a point. something like this has a chance of happening, and if you’re not willing then you’re putting yourself in a position where quite honestly, people need to be “tacky” in order to potentially save lives?
even if at the very least, they’re encouraging people to get atleast routine tests which i’ve heard of way too many guys that don’t >.>
the guy with the disease has the responsibility to do all he can not to spread it, period. if he doesnt tell partners he has it, then screw him and his privacy.
Everyone was hopping that there will be some sort of self-regulation in the gay community in respect to STD. But sadly innocent folks are violated by others. I guess it is the time for feds to intervene, maybe enforcing mandatory std testing, issuing std status card (lol), and make the “Right to Know” law.
Funny as it may sound, but we as gay men are acting worse that animals. Where is the big brother?
it is _never_ a good idea to promulgate lies — not especially about something like that.
and such a person who’d deign do so would need to have The Book (heck — the Whole Library) thrown at him, three-times in proportion to how much damage he had caused the falsely accused.
on the other hand: if it can be demonstrated that a given individual is quite recklessly exposing other individuals to any given STD, _and_ it can demonstrated that this individual is either not being upfront about what he has or, worse yet, is outright lying, by saying he has *nothing*..
..then, screw his “Privacy.”
(although, to be fair: The Dude who was “burned,” and is taking it upon himself to act as a Town Crier, of sorts, should be decent enough to also cry to the “burner” about what he knows, if at all possible.
and there’s always a chance that The Burner really doesn’t know he has anything — especially, for example, if he is long accustomed to his body exhibiting other Maladies, that might throw him off.)
what about the rights and the privacy of The Infected, who has to go make potentially humiliating visits down to his doctor, or to a clinic, for example?
i’m with tresqboy: screw being afraid of “big brother invading more of our personal space.” (and it’s obvious that “Personal Responsibility” is a rather foreign concept, especially for the people who knowingly spread STDs, in the first place.)
we humans have demonstrated that, no, a large number of Us really can’t be trusted to be responsible, in That Respect and others (for whatever reason: whether from Malice, Meekness, or something in between). so.. ..i, too, am for mandatory STD Screenings, _and_ Current STD-status cards (or somesuch). (and i had actually thought of something like This, about 2 – 3 years ago, being implemented anyway.) the only real caveat is Expense.. ..if it weren’t for That, then i should see no problems in instituting such policy as early as this afternoon.
it’s not just Gay Men who act worse than animals, obviously..
..but, we’re certainly not helping ameliorate our image, for the rest of the world. especially not for those who would love nothing more than to wipe every non-heterosexual entity away, using any justification available. (which would ne lunacy accompanied by a healthy side of Short-sightedness on their part, because it is only the rarest of Persons who is 100% Straight, for the entirety of their lifetime. if such a person exists at all.)