After the overwhelming number of comments on last week’s male cheerleader post, I thought it would be interesting to open up a debate on the definition of a “real man”. How does one even begin to define this term? When asked this question, one of my friends immediately replied—“A real man has has a penis, and that’s all there is to it”.
But is that really a suitable answer? You don’t have to have a penis to be a man, and having a penis doesn’t necessarily make you a man. To suggest so would be a huge slap in the face to the trans community. So are there other basic, non-physical qualities that define what it means to be a “real man”? Or is this term downright impossible to define?
For the record, all of the images in this post came from two separate Google searches on “real man” and “real men”. They do not represent our opinion on any definition (or lack thereof).
– Dewitt
To see more pictures of “real men” and leave a comment, follow the JUMP:
hmm.
i’m pretty stumped on that one.
the easiest answer is “is a person who exudes above-average, positive masculine traits” (which leaves it open to individuals who were born with a vagina to embody that concept) but..
..if there is such a thing as a Real Man, then there has to be such a thing as a Real Woman.
either concept can immediately draw in a whole “gender identity” discussion, that probably wouldn’t be appreciated by the “TL;DR” crowd.
Chuck Norris.
for me, there is no such thing as a “real man”. whether straight or not, the world of men are very very complicated. for starters there are types of men like straight, metrosexual, bisexual, homosexual and the likes. if you further disect each category, for homosexual alone there would be top, bottom and versatile. not to mention being bear, twink, transvestite, crossdresser, etc. we could go on and on and on with the list to specifically identify.
unlike for women… it is simply being straight or not. and if you are the latter part, it is being butch or femme. as simple as that.
I find the question itself problematic. Any answer to the question will exclude some group of “men” for not doing, being, acting the way they “should” as if there is some ideal for “men” to embody. The notion that there’s a “realness” to being a man, a woman, gay, straight, top, bottom, white, black (American–since it is the 4th) is precisely what feeds racism, homophobia, imperialism, sexism, transphobia, etc., etc. What this post, what the male cheerleader post, what the pictures indicate is that people with certain biological features (XY chromosomes, testes, testosterone, what have you) exhibit a huge range of personality, physiological and emotional traits–and that various societies across history reward some of these traits and punish others in the way they distribute social/cultural power and privilege. What this campaign (from with you took the opening photo) shows is that human beings need to develop alliances across social divides so that those marked as unworthy of surviving by systems of cultural value will have the resources they need to thrive.
I want to add that I appreciate this kind of follow-up on the male cheerleader thread. Manhunt may be one of the places that lots of guys enact their gay identity: I like to see a variety among the hot guys and silly cultural commentary (both of which I also enjoy a great deal).
The phrase “real man” is a loaded one, filled with what we know as traditional, conservative baggage. It’s been used to describe a male as someone with only positive attributes: brave, honourable, loyal, a good provider, and, of course, masculine, which is subjectively a positive attribute. So, it leaves us to assume that a “real man” is a perfect creature; no negative attributes whatsoever. How about a man who has all of those attributes generally but in a fit of jealous rage, kills his adulterous wife? It seems the concept of a “real man” is really just a fairy tale, one that doesn’t exist in the real world. How about we ask, what makes “a real fairy”? 🙂
The question, like art, is subject to each individual … while you might get a general consensus, there’s never really a (pardon the pun) straight answer.
WHY are you reopening this wound? [Applause]
I was attacked, vilified, persecuted, and crucified – which I very much enjoyed btw 🙂 – by your self-righteous, small minded, liberal communists on this site for simply saying that:
A man should be a man and a woman, well you know the rest…
The reaction to your clip of the “male cheerleader” – I would not call “IT” a man nor a cheerleader – is an example of liberal queers and their sort, to want to blur the lines between masculinity and femininity.
Thanks to these ignorant idiots, your question is much more difficult to answer.
I’m disgusted by your readers desire to be Uber-PC! “Don’t say anything to offend anyone!”, otherwise you are being hateful, bigoted, homophobic or “gasp” a gay-basher!
Well here’s one conservative, common-sense Homo that calls it as IT IS and the way IT SHOULD BE!
If I insult a couple of drag-queens along the way, so be it. [more applause]
Let Men be Men! A real man knows who he is. It may be enough to say that real men celebrate their manhood in different ways and styles, but at the end of the day they have no need to explain their manhood.
If I have offended your queer sensibilities in this post – GOOD!
Another offensive post by,
Alex The Great
Kenneth Williams gets my vote. 😉
Totally agree with you Alex The Great!…we are all becoming way too sensitive and whiny and from my experience I even get shunned by gay guys because I act ‘too straight’ whatever the hell that means…sad that even in our own community there is still a lack of inclusion of all types…
A real man is someone who is so secure in himself that he doesn’t have to belittle others.
In fact Justaguy, is it becoming a gay crime to be just a guy?
I think it’s the sissy, confused, queer majority that’s discriminating against masculine men who just want to be guys-4-guys.
Just because I don’t say, “You go gurl!”, wear a skirt and snap my fingers with a limp wrist, doesn’t make me less of a homo.
I’m ALL man baby, and I’m ALL homo! I’m here, I’m a man, and get used to it!
Alex The Great
OLE: Grow a pair and man up. Though that may be asking too much 🙂
That’s as good a definition as I could have come up with.
Of course, the question would seem to automatically exclude women or ‘non-masculine’ men from having any sort of virtues. By asking “What makes a man a man?” would imply inherent inferiority on the part of anyone who didn’t fit anyone’s personal definition.
Case in point, take Alex up there (really, please). By /his/ definition, only those like himself are to be granted the ‘dignity’ of being a man. Whoa betide anyone who doesn’t fit into his own narrow, self serving, self hating rhetoric. Dude, you’re perfectly free to have your opinion, you really are. But when you continue to denigrate & belittle those who are different, or have a different viewpoint, your opinion not only becomes invalid, but offensive. And to be offensive on purpose (rather than just plain ignorance) is the definition or “jerk”, rather than “man”.
“Let Men be Men! A real man knows who he is. It may be enough to say that real men celebrate their manhood in different ways and styles, but at the end of the day they have no need to explain their manhood.”
Did you not say different styles and ways? What defines a “man?” is the question of this post. Not “Hey, I’m gonna act like a flustered queen and empose what I think a man is upon everyone else!”
In the end, Alex, many different variations of what a man is everywhere. Metro, gay, sensitive, outspoken, jock, shy, etc, etc, etc. The list goes on and on to describe different types of men.
So you’re personally not bothering me with what you’re saying, but you come off exactly what you say you dislike.
😉
*Snicker*
i thought all you needed was a penis.
not a easy answer for that, in today world ………
The statement a real man is gradually becoming more moot in our society. “a real man” really just relies on the establishment of the role of males and females in different societies. In america there are definitely still many stigmas with gender roles, but there is a growing generality. The realness of any role depends on how one self-actualizes and guides his/her own life. “A real man” is just a fetish.
That’s depressing that you were shunned for acting too straight, but how often does that really happen? I mean take a look at any porn site, there’s always a subcategory for “str8 guys” or all the different sites that showcase “only str8 guys”. Even Sean Cody had a guy change his personality and lie about what he did for a living so he wouldn’t sound “gay”.
http://www.devonhunter.info/archives/1625/
It’s stupid that anyone get shunned just based on first impressions. But it definitely goes both ways. Just look at all the profiles on Manhunt that say “Masculine Str8 (which is incredibly offensive, I know straight guys that are more feminine than drag queens) acting looking for same. No fems/fatties/oldies.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen a profile that said “Feminine gay acting looking for same. I like gurls in skirts and high heels.” Really what that is saying is if you don’t specify that you’re a masculine, straight acting male, you must be a limp wristed, lisping gay man.
It’s true that there is a lack of inclusion of all types in this community, but it’s because this community is so diverse. Different races, genders, ages, sexualities, the only thing that ties us together is that we’re in the minority and instead of trying to come together, we tend to name call and tear each other down. It makes feel like we’re part of the normal community that put us down our entire lives. It’s individuals like the “male cheerleader” (who we don’t actually know if he’s gay) that stand out and make breakthroughs, not those that “blend in” with the straights. As they say, it was the drag queen who broke the window that started the Stonewall riot, not the “str8” guy hiding in the back.
But the bottom line, you’re going to get turned away for how you look or act, and there’s nothing wrong with having a preference to what you’re attracted to. You’re not going to appeal to everyone no matter how “str8” you act. You suck it up and move on.
A real man is someone who does what he wants without caring what others think because he has balls.
I think that the question is vain and the debate even more so.
Frankly, I couldn’t care less about “real men”! There would be so much to say…
real men are caucasian
Well even under the risk of sounding stupid…. first i think that if u define a group of features under the statement of “that’s a real men” what happens whit people how doesn’t fall into that group ???? They are false men?? They are just men??? Or not men enough???…. I think it’s not right… 2 me people how act as what they want 2 be are real…. real people….
by the way @helen borkowicz…. WTF
I am so far beyond all this. Masc, femme, “real man”, etc. All this is really what society wants you to be. Guys should act this way, girls should act this. Even in the gay community, this happens often.
Know what I say? “Fuck you, society. I’ll be and act whoever and however I goddamned wanna be and don’t give two flying shits whether or not you think I am not acting “like a man should”. It is a horrible pet peeve of mine when people ask me “masc or femme”. I always say “Get to know me and see which one you think I fall under”.
A Real Man is a biological male with a penis that will f*ck anything with a hole in it! Man or woman.
Damn Liberals! Small minds with small thoughts! 🙂
I’m surprised you can actually write a complete sentence.
“Self hating” = LOL!
Thanks for your amateurish pop-psychology.
You called me a “jerk” – Thanks! I like that..:0)
Alex The Great!
“Hey, I’m gonna act like a flustered queen and empose…”
I would respond to you, if you could actually spell. And what grade did you drop out of in junior high school?
No accounting for ignorant fags!
Alex The Great!
You’re equating a “real man” to a fetish?
Exactly what drug are you on?
Stick to one syllable words before you hurt yourself.
Alex The Great!
I don’t think you’re “far beyond all this”, I think you’re far beneath everybody here.
If you have to use the F word and the S word to get your point across, you’re just showing the lack of a good and solid education. I think you are so far beneath us that you probably won’t understand anything I wrote in this response. Next time I’ll try to use one syllable words so you can understand. You ignorant Fuck! 🙂 Hugs!Alex The Great!
Is a right-wing homophobic fundamentalist wacko. If that’s a “real man,” then to hell with the whole definition.
Dude, seriously… what’s your problem? You revel in your hatred. Why? You lash out at anyone having the least bit of difference from you. How does that make you any different from hate mongers who would bash your head in?
Where do you get the right to insult me? You’re “surprised” I can “write a complete sentence”? Really? Why? On what do you base your assessment of me, or anyone else here? You’ve been nothing but rude, vulgar, insulting, mean, & cantankerous, while most others who’ve responded to you have had intelligent, thoughtful things to write.
As for my “amateurish pop-psychology”? What makes you think I don’t have a degree? What do you possibly know about ANYONE who responds to you (except that they’re opinions differ)?
And to be technical, I did not explicitly call you a jerk. I merely wrote what my definition of jerk would be… of course, if you feel that the shoe fits…
Like it or not words come with connotations and expectations. And however much you might not like it, society will not change it just because you get offended. The word man comes with all sorts of expectations, but without a qualifier (feminine, metrosexual, etc.) masculinity is expected.
To me a man is someone who is more masculine than feminine and truly identifies as a male. But if you don’t like this, then you can always use a different word. So what if the word man doesn’t describe you, if you’re truly being yourself and secure with your identity, why should it matter?
A real man is a person with a dick. Not a pussy. If the dick is real the man is real. stupid question.
At that time I think I was tripping on Green Tea and Pop Tarts.
I was just trying to explain how I feel about that definition.
Sorry if the fetish thing offended you.
Being naive, and taking the term at its face-value: a real man is me–I am here, I exist
*edit… meant to write their. Oops, a mistake I’m sure you’ll leap upon like a lioness to the kill.
Takes one to know one tiger 😉
SoI screwed up by putting an ‘e’ instead of an ‘i’. Meh, doesn’t really bother me! I’m not the one getting off on the drama anyway. Oh Alex- you’re a born to be Queen. Causing such drama… tsk, tsk. I think I question your manhood 😉
HAHA…
Anyways, now that I’ve had my fun. lol.
LOL! Lioness… I like that.
Alex once again after reading your many many comments I am brought to a foregone conclusion that the one person who does not meet your definition of a real man is YOU !! Perhaps if you start meeting your own high expectations other People will 2 …. For what is worth I agree with a lot of the things that U said it’s just the hateful manner in which U say them that I disagree with ……
For starters, a real man does not like Gaga. Out of that, every man (biologically or non biologically) is a real man for me.
Alex, I think I might be falling for you, you gadfly.
As to the question of manhood, what/who ‘real’ men are. As I see it men are accountable. Men with the capital at the beginning are those who take action, solve problems and are who other people turn to when they need help. They also tend toward self reliance. Are, at least in our culture, ruggedly
individual and comfortable in their own skin. Probably kinda stoic too but also aggressive and single minded would be characteristics I’d be inclined to equate with manhood.
Not all males embody this. Thank the powers that be for that or else the world would be an even more savage a place if every male were dominance striving, non conforming and combative.
There’d be less progression, innovation, co-operation and way less satisfying man sex. The world can’t function with across the board alpha male total tops…
To exist.
To have been born a male and currently identify as such.
To be over 18.
I’d say that’s a real man. One might not be macho, or desirable, but in the simplest terms by most western cultures, those qualifiers would technically define a real man. In the strictest sense.
Anyone born with a penis is a real man. I don’t believe that society should be able to put limits on what a person can or can not do. Weather you do construction or wear a dress a man is a man.
I had this conversation with a friend a few days ago. He believed that a “real” man should base his identity on bravado and virility. That’s great and all, but that covers any half-wit who can get hard, act the fool, and think he’s superior to others for it. I’ve known plenty of guys like that, but I wouldn’t call them men. They’re adolescents, trapped in aging bodies and doomed to become that which they hold in disdain.
In my opinion, being a man has less to do with my penis (or yours, though I’ve never met a man without one), and more to do with how I approach my obligations and obstacles in life. It’s about having the strength of character to reject arbitrary limits (what I can be, what I ought to be), to fearlessly define myself according to my own terms, and to accept both to praise and scorn of others without turning my attention away from who I want to be. It’s the sense of duty and the conviction to keep at a task when others have fallen by the wayside, no matter the cost, because what must be done, MUST BE DONE – I can not count on anyone else to pick up my slack. Most importantly, being a man means I have the grace to stop and help someone else up along the way to my own goals, or ask for help when I truly need it, knowing that I lose none of my own strength by either and instead gain the support of another person who brings a strength that is uniquely theirs. Real men don’t diminish others – they empower them, and in so doing, empower themselves.
To me, masculinity, that essential feature of being a man, has nothing to do with your body, affect, or social set. It’s about being the unchallenged master of yourself, and then, knowing that you are secure in your will and the architect of your own fortune, setting an example that anyone can follow but none can duplicate.
Rudyard Kipling summed it up earlier and far better than I have, in his poem, “If.” Check it out here:
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/if/
“Alex, I think I might be falling for you, you gadfly.”
Finally someone with good taste and common sense.
Now if we can only get these other liberal pansies on here to grow some balls, we would be on to something..:)
Alex The Great!
Since the “men” in this world have both the X & Y chromosomes, A REAL MAN in this world is someone who freely exhibits both strength & sensitivity equally ! Just common sense 😉
VERY well-said, Unsupported_Character! 🙂
I really loved this response. Thank you for that. I agree completely.