And a chance for you to get 30% off!
Earlier this month I did a whole thing about how I spend too much money online and I keep shopping carts going in a bunch of different stores, just in case I have the urge to splurge on nonsense. Well I went ahead and got the pile of stuff I put together from Things 4 Fun (cause 30% is a definitely good enough sale for impulse shopping), and I’ve had a chance to test ’em out. So let’s discuss:
1. Do Me Sex Position Support Sling
What I originally said:
I’ve seen a lot of different varieties of this same concept all over the internet, but I’ve never seen one in action. So I’m gonna just buck up and get this one and see how it works. The idea is good, and I figure when I’m not using it for its intended purpose it’s probably good for practicing the Happy Baby yoga position while I’m watching Netflix or whatever.
Since I had a chance to try it:
I didn’t actually try this one on myself, but my buddy came over and was very enthusiastic about “not having to use any muscles” to hold his legs up (he’s kind of lazy) and really liked the idea behind this. It is not a quick deal to get on and into, but once you’re in it, it does exactly what it says. He said it was comfortable and that he’d get one for himself, but – editor’s note – comedy will ensue if you try to get up/walk with the straps still connected.
All in all: Good buy. Definitely worth it at 30% off.
2. Ox Balls – Cocksling 2 – TPR Cockring
What I originally said:
I had one of these a while back that I broke almost immediately upon putting it on by trying to stretch it too much, I guess. So I never got to experience what my buddy described to me as “so hot that I cum right after I get it on.” I’m certainly a fan of the idea of the simulations dick-squeeze/nut-pull, so I imagine this will get worn out pretty fast. Plus OxBalls doesn’t really do anything badly. Everything they make makes your cock feel good.
Since I had a chance to try it:
Love it. Can’t get enough. It’s not a ‘wear it all day every day‘ kinda thing like some of my cockrings, but it does add an extra dimension to playtime. Pro Tip: if you’re not smooth like a dolphin (and probably even if you are) or if you’re a bit bigger than most, coat yourself with a thin layer of albolene or good lotion first. It will make getting it on and keeping it comfortable much much easier, with less pulling on skin and hair.
All in all: It’s not even twenty dollars. I promise you’re gonna like it. Just do it.
3. Perfect Fit The Boss Ultimate Stroker Masturbator
What I originally said:
Masturbators are really hit or miss for me. I’ve certainly destroyed my share of Tenga eggs and the like, and my Fleshlight is badly in need of a new inner sleeve thing. But I’m like Goldilocks with the degree of tightness that these things offer. Most are tooooo loose. And some are so small and tight that they hurt, pretty much the whole time. So I’m eternally on a quest for the juuuuust right of masturbation sleeves. Here’s hoping it’s this guy.
Since I had a chance to try it:
I really expected this to be more firm and sort of like a weird cousin to those KONG chew toys for dogs. But this is way softer and I kinda felt like I was gonna fuck it up the whole time I was using it. I don’t know if I’m too rough or if this just wasn’t the thing for my dick, but I can’t see this surviving long in my hand. I’m definitely gonna tear it or bust through it or something.
All in all: Not my favorite thing. Feels great, doesn’t seem like it’ll wear long. It check this one out first.
4. Average Joe – Dildo – Miguel the Bartender
What I originally said:
This one comes with more questions than it likely provides the answers to (Average Joe? But his name is Miguel? Joe Miguel? Why is he a bartender? Why does a fake penis come with a back story!?) but it’s in my cart because – quick story – my friend Dan made me one of those ‘clone-a-willy‘ kit dildos of his own dick a while back and it was my favorite thing ever until I accidentally ruined part of it with a silicone lube spill. So this is a replacement purchase, since it’s pretty similar to Dan’s anyway. Although the fake balls will be an exciting addition.
Since I had a chance to try it:
This one is a real mixed bag. It’s bigger than it looks here and just thick enough that it’s a problem in my mouth. But my buddy who stopped by to test drive things with me said that he was into it for butt stuff. I dunno if it’s gonna replace my Dan dildo (which was perfectly sized for me), but it has been stuck to my fridge for a few days now and added an interesting conversational element to the kitchen.
All in all: If you need a thick, but still realistic dildo, and you wanna be able to attach it to the floor or shower, this migth be the perfect thing for you. ‘Average’ seems like a bit of a misnomer cause it is big. Definitely a good buy at this price.
5. Blueline Men – Performance Microfiber Low-Profile Jock Strap Black
What I originally said:
I don’t technically NEED another jockstrap. But there’s a dollar amount where you can basically convince me to just get something because it’s on sale. And this was that dollar amount.
Since I had a chance to try it:
I stand by this. It was exactly what it says on the box and I will definitely get my 6 dollars worth out of it. Comfortable, a little small, but overall, good.
All in all: Just buy it. You’ll figure out where to wear it later.
6. Ox Balls – Do-nut 2 Fatty Super-Fat Cockring
What I originally said:
This one, if I’m being honest, I just put in the cart because I thought that was one of the best looking penises I’ve ever seen. Like it’s fucking perfection. So I’m sure there was some element of ‘maybe mine will look like that! I MUST have it!’ going on there. But really I just liked how it looked on that dick. I definitely didn’t need another cockring. OxBalls, though.
Since I’ve had a chance to try it:
A+++. Love it. OxBalls knows what they’re doing and it shows. Could this be a little thicker? Probably. But will I wear it until I bust it? Definitely.
All in all: Buy several. They’re great. It’s a perfect ‘first thing in the morning to keep that initial swell up’ cockring.
This was truly just a good grab bag of stuff. I will play with all these things (even the ones I wasn’t super jazzed about) until they break. You can get your own pile of impulse dick supplies for 30% for about another day with Things 4 Fun’s Pride sale. But I wouldn’t wait for them to shut that discount thing off – just get what you want now (while it’s cheap!) and make your July a little extra fun.
Check out what’s on sale here.
– tyler
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