It is so difficult for me to write this. You see, I was not always the proud chub bottom you know and love today! Years ago, your friend Gay Duncan (me) was just boring Duncan, a closeted young man with no self-worth. I would cry every night that nobody would ever want a fat queer fuck like me. Not even the Holy Spearit‘s “Stronger” could get me through that struggle.
But then something changed in me! At my senior prom, the DJ put on Rihanna‘s “Cockiness (Love It)“, and I completely lost myself in the music. I wiped the tears off my face, got up from my table and headed to the dance floor. Once I was there, I saw the prom queen giving the quarterback of the football team a lap dance. So I pushed that skinny bitch aside, tore off my tuxedo pants and started shaking my thick ass in his face like this:
Everyone started cheering and clapping their hands. The quarterback was resistant at first, but once he saw how everyone was into it, he gave my left cheek a big smack and then got up and started faux-fucking me on the dance floor. I guess you could say that I found self-love and acceptance in a hopeless place.
And, also, the quarterback invited me to hang out with him and his boys at his parents’ lake house! Let’s just say that they all wanted a piece of my cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake. Their dicks were all so thick and hard, and they shot such crazy loads. It was fierce as fuck, and I loved being their secret dirty slut ’cause their girlfriends wouldn’t put out.
In conclusion, I think I’ve provided sufficient evidence about why Rihanna is my role model and a true gay icon for guys like me. She changed my life for the better, and if you don’t see that, then maybe you should watch her new music video for “Pour It Up” and you’ll understand what I’m talking about. It’s really inspiring how she just doesn’t give a fuck at all about what people think. I’m trying to be more like her!
Watch Rihanna’s groundbreaking visuals for “Pour It Up” below:
_______________________________________________________________________________
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE…
–
–
I get that this is a semi-humorous piece, but I’m so sick of the word “icon” being thrown around. Just because you like something/someone doesn’t make it iconic. If these pop tarts are really being considered as symbolizing the gay community, we’re fucked.
ok rihanna who is known as a codependent victim of domestic abuse, is hardly an icon, much less to be admired as role model, this is pathetic, because no one should be admired for being a doormat to any man!
Clearly Rihanna has run out of good ideas and she has realized she has limited talent. This is complete garbage that any 5 cent whore could do. If the public embraces this and makes it a hit, that would be very sadly pathetic. We need to start expecting A LOT more from our icons!
“I would cry every night that nobody would ever want a fat queer fuck like me” 8( That made me sad. I’m glad you’re confident now about your cake.
This song didn’t need a video.Let alone a year later..
How is she being a doormat? She got beat up. It happened years ago and she’s moved on. Maybe you should too
Icon? She’s far from being my gay icon.
Wow-ee. Elton John looks cuh-razy.
Why must 99% of gay men be sad bitter bitches….if the mainstream media reported all the negative hatefull shit that comes out of gay men we would never move any further. Please for once could you be nice to someone you do not want to fuck.
Wow. There’s something really gross about this video, and it’s not the ladies…it’s just…the concept I guess.
And definitely because it’s like every other nameless rapper out there right now…
I definitely don’t like this side to Rihanna…ugh. She’s lost a LOT of appreciation I’ve had for her.
STINK !
ICON?? Yeah maybe if you live in South Detroit!