The Hookies are coming! On March 20th, some of the hottest men in the entire world will pack into the Out Hotel in New York to find out who’s going home with trophies in such prestigious categories as Best Ass, Best Daddy and Best Dressed. The event’s hosted by Alaska Thunderfuck, which I hear is a big deal, although I don’t know, because I mostly only watch porn and Bob’s Burgers.
Rocco Steele and Tyson Tyler lead the pack with four nominations each, while Boomer Banks, Mike De Marko and Patrick Michaels each picked up three. Fifteen other guys got two nominations each, including some familiar named like Sean Zevran, Aleks Buldocek and Leo Sweetwood, as well as some names that might be less familiar to you, because believe it or not, there are lots of escorts that haven’t crossed over into porn. I used to be one of them! True story.
The last time I went to The Hookies was amazing! And while I’ll miss that poor old Roseland Ballroom, I’m sure this year’s event is going to give me jack-off fodder for the next six months, at least.
With just two weeks to go until the event, here are my fourteen personal picks for the men I’d most like to spend some getting-to-know-you time with. Feel free to remember this when it’s National Hire A Hooker For Your Favorite Blogger Day.
– Lawrence
Take a look at a few escorts I’d really like to do below:
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14. DAVID BENJAMIN:
Category: Best Newcomer
If your idea of perfection is the tight-muscled, heavily tattooed Raging Stallion type, then David Benjamin is probably the guy for you. Hung and bearded, his photos depict him in the classic porn socks-and-boots-but-no-pants style. How you dress him up for your own night together is up to you, however.
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13. BRIAN BONDS:
Categories: Best Bottom, Best Fetish/Kink
If you’re into blood or poop or diapers, then I’m sorry, Brian Bonds isn’t the escort for you. Anything else, though, and this eager blonde slut is probably game! His interests include groups, getting fisted, and electro play. Not for everyone, maybe, but I’d sure have fun torturing him for a while.
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12. IMAGE REMOVED AT SUBJECT’S REQUEST:
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11. MIKE DE MARKO:
Categories: Best Bottom, Best Boyfriend Fantasy, Mr. International Escort
Hung, hairy, and extremely submissive, Mr. De Marko is super dreamy, particularly when he’s getting his hole rammed by a gang’s worth of dicks and the occasional Clue weapon. He’s available for one-on-one time, too, and it appears that Mike is just as much of a cockwhore in person as he is in his porn work.
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10. ELI LEWIS:
Category: Best Twink
My favorite email today was the one I got from Dewitt that ended “PS We’re still trying to find someone to dress up as a coal miner and fuck Eli Lewis while he’s dressed as a canary.” That is all.
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9. TED BYRNS:
Category: Best Bear
Not every escort has a super worked out gym body, and that’s nice because not every man is looking for that. Ted calls himself Chicago’s hairiest ginger, and while I still fucking hate when Americans use the G-word, the claim seems pretty accurate. His fine, fuzzy ass is maybe even more appealing than the big red beard, too.
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8. SEAN ZEVRAN:
Categories: Best Body, Best Ass
Hairy when he works for Falcon, smooth when he models for Andrew Christian, Sean Zevran is basically physical perfection no matter how close he’s been to the razor. He’s also really smart and interesting—read our interview with him for evidence—which is nice for those moments when you don’t have him bent over.
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7. ADAM RUSSO:
Category: Best Fetish/Kink
The older he gets, the more I want him. He has the greatest thighs of any man. Watching his recent Stepfather series with Icon Male reminded me what a perv he is, and hopefully one day, I’ll break open the piggy bank and actually take advantage of the fact that he’s a versatile escort, too.
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6. ANACONDAHUNGA:
Categories: Best Cock, Best Daddy
Even Nicki would blush at the sight of this Canadian serpent, which I’d love to deep throat and which would honestly terrify me if it went anywhere near my butthole. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy myself, mind you, once the pain subsided. On the plus side, he’s got big strong arms to wrap around you to make it all better.
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5. TOMMY DEFENDI:
Category: Best Dressed/Style
I can’t speak to Tommy Defendi’s fashion sense, since I pretty much only ever see him with his clothes off. However, I can’t say enough nice things about the beard he’s been cultivating lately. I want to touch it and rub it and then feel it against my balls and my ass, and I think you see where I’m going with this.
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4. TARIK:
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Category: Best Cock
A bisexual super top who can be civilized or raunchy in three languages, this girthy 8.5″ fellow’s interests includes S&M, fisting, and watersports. I am unashamedly fond of Mediterranean tops, and this guy checks off every box that I’m looking for.
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3. DONNIE DEAN:
Category: Mr. International Escort 2015
The nominees for Mr. International Escort are all pretty handsome, and I do think Mike De Marko is great, but my vote for the night’s biggest award goes to the reigning Mr. Canada.
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2. MILES PREVITIRE:
Categories: Best Daddy, Best Social Media
Miles Previtire is one dirty daddy. I mean he’s 35, so you may or may not agree that he’s a daddy at all, but the self-described seller of “police misconduct and refined homophobia” is one smooth talker. From the Kentucky-bred stud’s profile: “I’m the guy who walks in, takes what he wants, makes you fall in love, and then leaves when he’s done.” Swoon.
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1. TYSON TYLER:
Categories: Best Pornstar Escort, Best Body, Best Ass, Best Social Media
I sort of wish there was a Hookies category for Sexiest Voice, in which only English guys were nominated. Because Tyson’s throaty Mancunian is at least as sexy as his ass, his porn work or his social media accounts.
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HEAD TO THE SITE TO CAST YOUR VOTE…
Every…single…one… what a tasty and diverse group of men! Mad props to Eli, Ted & Tyson who really steal the show!
Adam Russo and Tyson Tyler are everything, and just when I thought it couldn’t get better: Miss Alaska Thunderfuck 5000.
After seeing this list, I wanna attend The Hookies! Russo & Bonds though.
Donnie Dean is so handsome and cute. 🙂
That hairy ginge! I mean…!
Since today is National Hire A Hooker For Your Favorite Blogger Day and I’m totally out of dough, would it be okay if I initiated a Kickstarter project for this so that we can all just rent you every hooker on this list? How fun would THAT be?!
Is it okay if I help out Lawrence when you hire him every hooker on this list? I feel like he’ll need back-up.
I fully support this idea.
Just be warned that you would probably have to pry my face out of Mike De Marko’s ass.
Although you could probably distract me very easily with Eli Lewis, Ted Byrns, David Benjamin or Tyson Tyler’s asses.
That’s fine, they all have other parts I can occupy my face with.
It’s nice to share! Haha.
Donny Dean is hot. But overall, this is a shabby list.
I would so go to these if only to watch Alaska read some bitches to filth. Not that I’m saying they deserve it, but bitch will be hysterical!
Miles Previtire. And Tyson Tyler.
David Benjamin is my number one choice.