This Old-Ass CUNT Cher Stole My Favorite Wig & She Is Looking Ratchet As FUCK!

Let me tell all y’all hot little DICK sluts a story! Over the weekend, Ms. Boulangerié Knowles was minding her own damn business, looking fine as FUCK on her way to the grocery store to pick up a box of rubbers, Cheez-Its and some KY Jelly to finger-bang Ricky Martin‘s pussy on our date later that evening. Then, up out of NOWHERE, some Voldemort-looking hooker popped out of a bush, grabbed my damn arm and tried to snatch the wig right off my head. Honey, I was about to go all Snapped on her ass! Ain’t NOBODY fuck with Ms. Boulangerié Knowles’ hair except motherfuckin’ Boulangerié Knowles.

I was about to slap this bitch down, when two Vin Diesel-looking motherfuckers came out that same bush. They were muscular as all FUCK, wearing a pair of matching neon mesh tank tops that had the words “Woman’s World” written across them. I thought I could take them, but they held me down like that time Adam Levine did when he turnt OUT my down-there parts and showered me in his DICK juices. I was afraid for my damn life, but at the same time, I was thinking to myself that these boys could GET it. I would take them both in the same hole, for real…

But then they opened their damn mouths, and they sounded STRAIGHT UP like that Barbie Man. They were all like, “Nobody messes with the goddess of pop”, and I didn’t have one clue what in DICK’s name they were talking about. I watched in horror as that skeletal ass bitch reached over and stole my favorite wig right up off my head. If she only KNEW how much dick I got while wearing that wig! And, child, I got that shit on sale.

In any DAMN case, I decided to cut my losses and pull my back-up wig out my purse… Fast-forward to later that night when I’m at my cousin’s hairdresser’s cousin Pâtisserié Rowland‘s crib watching The Voice for my baby daddy Usher and his girl Michelle Chamuel. I was dripping like a FAUCET watching hot pieces of dick like Pitbull up on stage, and I’ll be real, even those Swon Brothers could GET it with their Haley Joel Osment looking faces.

Now, I was about to bust out my Kinky Kyle doll and start RIDING it in front of everyone, when that same Voldemort-looking hooker rolled out on stage and KILLED my damn vibe. She was stumbling around like Dewitt when he’s had too many liquor shots at the club, looking like my grandma without her walker… And the WORST damn shit? She had my wig up on her head!

I don’t even want that shit back, because she done sullied it with that off-beat MESS she called a “performance”. How you gonna step out on stage and not know how to sing your OWN song, flopping around like a Muppet while your back-up dancers do all the work? Who the fuck IS Cher, anyways? That irrelevant senior citizen who was in that FLOP of a movie Burlesque? I barely even heard of her until last night, and I don’t EVER want to hear from her again.

I JUST CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN’T.

– Boulangerié Knowles

Torture yourself by watching this MESS of a performance below:

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