For today's MANHUNT Daily top ten list, we'll be covering things that should never be placed up your ass. We're warning you in advance that there are a few graphic photos, one of which involves the other end of the object Chace Crawford is nearly deepthroating in the picture above. Think you're brave enough to handle it? We mean the pictures, not the objects on our list!
– Dewitt
For our top ten list, follow the JUMP:
10. Inappropriate Novelty Butt Plugs and Dildos: You may think that the sacrilege of sticking the Baby Jesus up your chute would cause this to be ranked higher, but these sex toys probably won't lead to medical problems, pain or awkwardness like others on the list. With that said, I still wouldn't recommend whipping out your Barack Obama dildo while hooking up with someone.
9. Candy: It may seem like a good idea to make your rimjobs a little sweeter by sticking a Baby Ruth candy bar, but I don't think it'll play out as sexily as you're imagining. They say that M&Ms melt in your mouth and not in your hands? What they don't tell you is that they'll definitely melt in your ass. And lollipops? Don't even get me started, especially if you have any hair on your ass.
8. An Ear of Corn: We know what you heard about vegetables. If you wash that cucumber thoroughly, I'm not going to judge you for pushing it all up in there. Now, you may be tempted by corn given it's phallic presence, but the texture just won't feel very good. Trust me, I tried… I mean, experts have proven this.
7. Fingers with Nails: Of all the things that are on this list, this one is probably most likely to actually be inserted in your ass. What's up with guys who didn't trim their nails trying to fingerbang like there's nothing wrong?
6. Hoses: Yes, it may seem like a good idea to do a little deep-anus douching when the neighbor isn't looking, but the water pressure might get a little too explosive for your insides. Want to have fun with a hose? Just get your dick hard and start spraying water all over yourself. Bonus points if you take pictures and send them to us.
5. Electronic Devices: Do you really want to use your remote control, Blackberry or electronic toothbrush after it's been up your man-cooter? I don't care if the latter two vibrate, because there may be a chance that they don't emerge functionally from your love jungle. And you can brag about how clean you are, but nothing makes talking on a phone that's been deep in your ass acceptable.
4. Pool Balls (And Other Small Objects): You know how porn star RJ Danvers stuck a pool ball up his ass? That would fall under the "don't try this at home" category. If you're sticking any object up your ass entirely, you might want to be prepared for the potential trip to the emergency room. There's really not any excuse to tell the doctor that won't be embarrassing.
3. Glass Bottles: We did warn you about those graphic images, right? Let's leave this one at six words–it could break and get messy. A friend of mine once told me a story about waking up from a drunk nap on New Years Eve to discover a girl fucking herself with a Grey Goose bottle across from her. Our other friend responded, "That's nothing, I know someone who tried to fuck a parking brake."
2. Pointy objects: Imagine if this kid had plowed himself with the other end of this screwdriver. His face probably wouldn't be looking so pleasant in this picture. Even rough edges on certain objects can cause a little damage.
1. Non-Human Animals or Parts of Non-Human Animals: In retrospect it seems so obvious! We were totally wrong on what'll go down for Penn Badgley's "controversial" Gossip Girl hook-up. Obviously he's going to try to stick a horse's penis up his butt. Why didn't we think of that before?
We totally needed this article. Hilarity.
nice stuff. more life plz
My friend always said she could spot the gay for pay lesbians in porn because they wore fake nails during sex.
Oddly enough, she bought a Jesus vibrator with her first girlfriend.
LMAO!!!!….The Richard Gere and gerbil story lives again…..LMAO!!!!
omg, some of that stuff just made me cringe.
parts of animals? well you’re no fun. there’s no way around it now.
Damien Crosse fucked a bottle in “To the last Man” and it was hot.
Hahaha…the Barack Obama dildo would make for a great conversation piece. I’d use it on my lib friends, and give them the presidential treatment. And hopefully he’ll know what it’s like to be shit on by his own party.
I totally disagree with # 9. here is a list of my favs
ring pops
Altiods
pop rocks
Popsicles