Wanna Be On Top?: ANTM Does Alek Wek

Welcome to Wanna Be On Top, our newly branded series of recaps for America’s Next Top Model‘s sixteenth cycle. Unfortunately, the question in the title of this post isn’t referring to the hot, scruffy hair stylist in the picture above. But if it did, our answer would be a definite “fuck yes”. Like, that dude could totally give our pubic hair a makeover. Not even kidding.

Oh, wait, you came here to read about models and photo shoots? Suit yourself! Last night’s episode began with Tyra Banks and Heather Bauer informing the models that they’re allowed to occasionally indulge in “Cheaties”, also known as seemingly bad foods that are apparently good for you. Like, um, wheat waffles with peanut butter? That’s totally what we think of when we hear “indulge”.

Next, the thirteen remaining competitors stood face-to-face with their own worst critics–themselves. Audible gasp! Acting coach Eugene Buica coached them through the exercise, all while insulting them directly to their face. Fun fact: Eugene is also hot and scruffy. Here at Manhunt Daily, we focus on the important things…

Last but not least, the girls posed for a shoot with photographer Mike Rosenthal, who seems to be getting gayer and gayer with every cycle of this show. (Sidebar: Are we allowed to say stuff like that?) The images were essentially beauty shots with a twist. Because, duh, this is reality television, and there always needs to be a twist. Each model wore jewelry covered in pheromones which attracted live bees. And then they tried to look pretty with insects buzzing on their face. Were they able to pull it off? Click through to find out.

– Dewitt

Photo credit: Lisa Rose

To check out this week’s pics and read more, follow the JUMP:

1. HANNAH (LW – 6): This is actually kind of surprising. Crying is typically looked down upon on reality television, unless you’re on The Biggest Loser and Jillian Michaels is trying to get you to have an emotional breakthrough. And yet Hannah made this work. We’d even go as far to say that she made it “WERQ”, because this shit is fierce as fuck.

2. BRITTANI (LW – 2): Brittani is our early pick for this cycle’s most likely winner. The judges have wet their panties over both of her first two shoots. Plus, you just know Tyra would love to make a statement about socioeconomic status, choosing a girl who grew up in a trailer park. Not to mention, she’s also pretty damn good. We’re guessing she’ll at least make it to the top five.

3. MONIQUE (LW – 8): In this episode, we learned that Alexandria isn’t the only bitch in the house. Monique is an entirely different kind of bitch. She’ll hug you and smile to your face, and then talk shit about you in the confessional. We look forward to the many fights and drama this causes. Also, great picture! Kind of plastic, but undeniably eye-catching.

4. MIKAELA (LW – 4): Okay, maybe we take back the whole Brittani thing… Mikaela’s also turned out two extremely promising shots, and her unique look could be the key to winning this competition. But does she have a personality? It’s yet to be determined, though we’re anxiously awaiting to find out.

5. KASIA (LW – 10): Um, okay? What’s with all the nostrils on the latest few cycles of America’s Next Top Model? Earlier in the show’s history, Tyra would chastise a contestant for taking a picture like this. Then she suddenly developed a fetish for noses (circa Alexandra, Cycle 14). This worked to the advantage of this season’s lone “fiercely real” plus-size model.

6. DOMINIQUE (LW – 13): We’re biting our tongues. Dominique is a beautiful young woman, and her freckles are one of her most intriguing traits. With that said, they don’t really seem to work in this picture? Or maybe they just don’t photograph well at all? We don’t mean to be harsh, but we really don’t see any “beauty” in this beauty shot.

7. SARA (LW – 12): Bye Sara! When the quirky girl hasn’t managed to prove herself within the first few episodes, it’s a surefire sign that she’s doomed for elimination. Perhaps a fresh new makeover will save Sara’s place in this competition? Or she’ll just fizzle out. We’re betting on the latter of the two options.

8. ALEXANDRIA (LW – 3): Since Alexandria’s so fucking heinous, we keep trying to convince ourselves it’s the styling and make-up that makes this picture work. Those linear eyebrows! The indigo lip color! The way her eyes pop with that blue tube top! Clearly, she’s not doing anything to make this halfway decent, right? Just tell us we’re right, so we can continue to hate this bitch.

9. JACLYN (LW – 11): We’re pleasantly surprised with Jaclyn’s performance. She’s kind of the opposite of Alexandria, in the sense that we’re going to convince ourselves to like anything she does. How can you not love her? She’s frickin’ adorable! And she’s a ticking time bomb for a mega tears-in-the-eyes breakdown. Reality television greatness, we tell you.

10. MOLLY (LW – 1): Uh oh! Molly is the self-proclaimed “competitive” girl on this cycle, and she’s going to have a Black Swan style outburst over not achieving perfection. Well, at least that’s what we’re hoping for. There’s something oddly charming about this shot. We’re not sure why her name was called so far down the line…

11. DALYA (LW – 5): What are you doing? What, what, WHAT are you doing, Ms. Dalya? We apologize for going all Sassy Gay Friend on your asses, but this is unacceptable from a woman who’s so blatantly stunning. Though we know Tyra kind of screwed her by selecting this shot, she can do so much better than this… Seriously, you guys!

SELF ELIMINATION: ONDREI (LW – 7): This broke our heart in so many ways. Based on the promo shots alone, Ondrei was our early favorite. While we’re quite sad to see her go, we understand that she doesn’t have the emotional strength to be in this competition. You can’t just “get over” both of your brothers dying, especially given the circumstances of their deaths.

ELIMINATED: NICOLE (LW – 9): Baby? Mama? Baby? Mama? Nicole can’t seem to decide which category she falls into, as the judges critiqued her for looking to old in her photographs. It was clear from the beginning of this episode that she’d get kicked off, so we weren’t really that shocked when they didn’t call her name. More importantly, let’s focus on the advice Tyra gave her–“Soften every bone in your face”. Are we the only ones who realize that you literally can’t soften your bones on command?

___________________________________________________________

BONUS – CYCLE 15’s ANN WARD FOR VOGUE ITALIA: