Wanna Be On Top?: ANTM Does Eric Daman

Last night was one of the most manipulative episodes of America’s Next Top Model ever, serving as clear proof why Tyra Banks was named one of the worst reality TV judges of all time. This is the point where we say “spoiler alert”, even though we’re well aware that the majority of you couldn’t give two shits about this show.

So here’s how it all went down! The seven remaining contestants posed for a shoot with “noted fashion photographer” Nigel Barker (whose unshaven head is really starting to freak us out). The girl with the best picture would be selected by Ford and the Susan G. Komen foundation for a nationwide campaign against breast cancer. Oh, and she also won a sparkly new car.

Resident ice queen Alexandria (pictured above) won the challenge. This led to an admittedly unprofessional breakdown by fellow competitor Brittani, in which she questioned why they chose someone so “ugly” to act as a role model. There was yelling involved. And she did it right in front of the client.

Alas, things moved on to Universal Studios for a “crazy” photo shoot in front of the Bates Motel. Photographer Miquel Starcevich captured all the magic, while the girls were dolled up by Gossip Girl stylist Eric Daman. Blah blah blah, let’s talk about the final panel…

Brittani got bitched out by the judges for bitching out, while Alexandria was treated like a saint for handling the situation with grace. Wait, huh? Isn’t this the same girl who they consistently criticized for having a shitty attitude? And now she’s suddenly a perfect angel who we should all look up to? Bull fucking shit.

– Dewitt

Photo credit: Chris Frawley

To check out this week’s pictures and more, follow the JUMP:

1. JACLYN (LW – 4): Week after week, Jaclyn has proven to us that there’s more to her than southern charm and a cutesy baby voice. She knew what she was doing here. Watching her on set, we could tell her actions would result in an incredible yet vaguely frightening image. And we were totally right about that.

2. MOLLY (LW – 3): Our initial reaction–“Molly was robbed!” There’s a depth to this picture that isn’t quite present in Jaclyn’s take on “crazy”. If we hadn’t witnessed her awkward bumbling on set, we would have assumed Molly made a conscious decision to play this passionate, deranged character. But the reality of the matter? She totally lucked out.

3. HANNAH (LW – 5): Speaking of lucking out, Hannah was a frickin’ hot mess during her photo shoot. Hell, she was all over the place throughout the entire episode. Did anyone else think she was drunk in the confessional, when she kept running on about how she’s “memorable”? Don’t worry, gurl… We will remember you. Shooba-doo-doo-dah.

4. KASIA (LW – 2): We fucking love this. As the judges noted, it’s a little more commercial than editorial, but there’s no denying that Kasia shines through in these personality-oriented challenges. She looks like a demented doll who’s deadset on killing us. Which scares the fuck out of us, because we still get freaked out any time we see a “My Buddy” toy. Consider this the other bride of Chucky.

5. ALEXANDRIA (LW – 6): Honestly, we’re this close to designating Alexandria as “White Jade”. When she talks about shit like being a “strong alpha lioness”, it sounds like a hollow echo of the spacey Cycle 6 competitor. This much is true–she’s not here to make friends.

6. BRITTANI (LW – 1): Team Brittani! We’ve all been in a situation where someone so blatantly artificial gets rewarded for doing absolute crap. Didn’t you ever want to wring that person’s neck and lash out at them? We sympathized with Brittani’s meltdown, if only because it was coming from a genuine place. She’s fucking human, and she’s on a reality show. Mistakes (and shouting) are bound to happen.

That aside, it’s relatively obvious that they screwed her over with the selection of this picture. Jay Manuel and the photographer loved everything she was doing on set, so she definitely had a better shot within her film. Oh well, we guess there’s nothing we can do about this…

ELIMINATED: MIKAELA (LW – 7): We can’t even properly assess this elimination, because we’ve developed such a crush on Mikaela through her Tumblr page. Even so, while we feel like she’s been screwed in the past, this was one time where we believe she may not have actually had a better shot…