Vanity Fair is publishing this CRAZY story about how Tom Cruise went about acquiring a new ladyfriend post-Nicole Kidman and pre-Katie Holmes. There were already reports that his Scientology handlers brought Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson in to meet him under the guise of “auditions”, and they ended up running screaming from his crazy ass. They were the lucky ones.
Vanity Fair writer Maureen Orth tells the tale of actress and Scientologist Nazanin Boniadi. The Iranian-born and British-raised Boniadi was recruited by Scientology leader David Miscaviage’s wife to be Cruise’s new beard.
(Not-so-fun fact: Shelly Miscaviage is currently missing, and reportedly being held prisoner at some hidden Scientology base. *shiver*)
This was presented to her as a sacred mission for Xenu, and she was told to break up with her current boyfriend, lose her braces, and remove all the highlights from her hair. She was then subjected to intense auditing focused on Cruise, and told she would be labeled a “suppressive person” and kicked out of Scientology if this didn’t work out. It gets weirder.
So Tommy Boy meets with Nazanin, and things were going well. Until she pissed him off. And she also pissed off Tom’s best friend (and beard wrangler) Miscaviage.
According to the knowledgeable source, Boniadi also offended Scientology chief David Miscavige, who speaks rapidly, because she kept saying, “Excuse me?” when she was entertaining him and his wife during a visit to Telluride. In Scientology, the ability to have your communication “land” is crucial. Boniadi was excoriated by Cruise for disrespecting Miscavige. (A representative for Miscavige told Vanity Fair, “Mr. Miscavige doesn’t remember any girlfriend of anyone, in his entire life, insulting him.”)
What happens to you if you piss off Scientology leaders and tell someone you were in line to be Cruise’s new hag?
her punishment for violating her confidentiality agreement included scrubbing toilets with a toothbrush, cleaning bathroom tiles with acid and digging ditches in the middle of the night. She was later tasked with selling Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics on street corners.
Shit, and I thought it was a pain in the ass saying all those Hail Marys after confession when I was but a lad. Is this the most bizarre case of beard hunting you’ve ever read? I’m throwing it up on the blog because its painfully evident that not being true to yourself can result in some fucked up shit. Is he gay? Is he asexual? Is he just not skilled with the ladies? Who knows. But he’s going about it all wrong, and being the head crazy in a creepy cult isnt helping matters. *sad face*
– J. Harvey
Really, who cares?
this is really scary! These people are nuts! Can’t believe they “pimp” for this midget.
this is really scary! These people are nuts! Can’t believe they “pimp” for this midget.
this is really scary! These people are nuts! Can’t believe they “pimp” for this midget.
i have a buddy that went to a party in the hollywood hills years back and there was TC sandwiched between a couple twinks…gayer than a $3 bill
Um, I’d read anything that Maureen Orth writes and Vanity Fair publishes with a very large grain of salt.
I second that motion!
Honestly who gives a crap…I don’t
Where exactly can you find a very large grain of salt?
Where exactly can you find a very large grain of salt?
Where exactly can you find a very large grain of salt?
Where exactly can you find a very large grain of salt?
Where exactly can you find a very large grain of salt?